“I have had it with these motherf-ing snakes on this motherf-ing plane!”

More thoughts for City Opera, should they decide to go into belated grassroots fundraising mode:

• Enlist top singers who love City Opera to create public service announcements, or an opera star-filled Obamaish video that can be easily forwarded and posted on opera blogs around the world.
• Have singers record phone messages, a la the crazy Snakes on a Plane marketing campaign with Samuel L. Jackson, that people can leave on their friend’s voicemails. Idea courtesy of my sister.
• Does footage of Beverly Sills speaking about City Opera exist? That’s probably good stuff. Put it in an e-card format and send it to all previous ticket-buyers and donors, thanking them for their continued support.

Hey! I even have a sample PSA for them, courtesy of my friend Jeff:

People will come, City Opera. They’ll come to the Opera for reasons they can’t even fathom. They’ll turn up at the box office, not knowing for sure why they’re doing it. They’ll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. “Of course, we won’t mind if you have a look around,” you’ll say. “It’s only fifty dollars per person.” They’ll pass over the money without even thinking about it; for it is money they [kind of] have and peace they lack.

City Opera, just sign the papers.

And they’ll walk up to the balconies, and sit in suit-sleeves on a perfect evening. They’ll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the railings, where they sat when they were children and applauded their heroes. And they’ll watch the acts, and it’ll be as if they’d dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick, they’ll have to brush them away from their faces.

City Opera, when the bank opens in the morning, they’ll foreclose.

People will come, City Opera.

You’re broke, City Opera. You sell now or you lose everything.

The one constant through all the years, City Opera, has been OPERA. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It’s been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But Opera has marked the time. This stage, this music, is a part of our past, City Opera. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again. Ohhhhhhhh, people will come, City Opera. People will most definitely come.

[Blogger’s note: “come” can also be substituted for “donate”.]