And here’s one more reason to vote for John Kerry: Unlike some satirists who openly endorse the re-election of George W. Bush, hoping for four more years of amusing malaprops and even more amusing enlisted and civilian deaths overseas, low culture stands firm in the belief that there will still be things to make fun […]
TOWARD THE FINAL, FINAL VICTORY
Regarding rumors of a post-election draft, the poet speaks: A DRAFT IN THE AIR? Don’t believe the rumor spreaders;Buncha lousy battle-dreaders.Scared to fight for country and king— I mean, our man in the West Wing.With every American casualty,The Prez is exporting liberty.Corpses for the Iraqi nation —Our contribution to globalization!Reinstate the oldtime draft?Unpatriotically daft.Leave it […]
THE NEW YORKER GETS TOUGH
In a 4,523-word commentary this morning, the editors of The New Yorker have endorsed John Kerry for president. Their summary of all the many reasons underscores the need to reclaim American democracy from the coup four years ago that turned the United States into a right-wing banana republic. After being installed as president by the U.S. […]
FRANCIS BIDDLE GIVES IT A TRY
In life, he was a traitor to his class. In “Trying,” a two-character play by Joanna McClelland Glass at the Promenade Theatre in New York, he is hardly that. He’s far more the Philadelphia blueblood offended by servants who are “forward” and women who are “bold” than the former New Dealer who served as FDR’s attorney […]
HUMVEES ON PARADE
Here’s a grassroots view of “the hidden extent of systemically ill-considered acquisition actions” for U.S. troops in Iraq, according to a weapons expert who brought it to my attention: Date: 040718Slug: VEHICLEARMORBy: Sgt. Zachary A. Bathon CAMP VIRGINIA, Kuwait – In a large warehouse outside of Kuwait City civilian contractors from more than 25 countries […]
FLIPPY FRIDAY
The message below was received several weeks ago. Due to an editorial oversight, the staff failed to take note of it at the time. Dear Straight Up: Thank you so much for your support! Due to the enormous influx of avid patrons, The Endangered Species Restaurant is now hiring additional staff in the following categories: […]
NOT BEFORE THE ELECTION, PLEASE
The Blessèd Reverend Repulski was thunderstruck by the Hollywood movie musical “Kismet” on The Movie Channel yesterday. “I actually saw this thing at the Loew’s Valencia, in 1955,” he recalls. “But I had no idea of the larger meaning then. It’s beyond gruesome. It’s something Salvador Dali couldn’t do on a bad day.” What is […]
DEAR LIMEY ASSHOLES
The Guardian in London ran that headline over a story brought to our attention by Arts & Letters Daily. The story recounts the results of a project that had Brits writing to Ohio voters about the upcoming election. Now the fair country folk of the New World are writing back. See, for instance, the second letter […]
PUT US DOWN AS GIRLIE-MEN
Though I’m a New Yorker, I’m as pleased as any Beantown fan that the Red Sox beat the Yankees for the American League pennant. I grew up rooting for the Brooklyn Dodgers, which meant I grew up hating the Yankees. I lived close enough to Ebbets Field to hear the roar of the crowd when someone hit one into […]
DANGEROUS CUSTOMS
The following message arrived a while ago, but was overlooked due to an editorial lapse: Dear Straight Up: Thank you so much for your support! Due to the enormous influx of avid patrons, The Endangered Species Restaurant is now hiring additional staff in the following categories: Thick-Skinned Cooks (Oceolt roasting exp.) (2)Wild-Animal Poachers (6)Appetizer Cleansers […]
SOUTHWARD, HO!
Speaking of The Guardian — see DEAR LIMEY ASSHOLES — Guardian columnist Jonathan Freedland writes about having “the same queasy feeling” he had four years ago when he followed the 2000 presidential campaign around the U.S. of A. Only now, he figures, the clash is about more than Republicans vs. Democrats, Bush vs. Kerry, right vs. left. It’s “tradition against […]
GOD’S LITTLE DEPUTIES
Bulletin from heaven (scroll down): Did God’s little deputies help prevent a terrorist attack on the United States over the past three years? Attorney General John Ashcroft told the U.S. Chamber of Commerce yesterday that Providence was partly reponsible. “But the hand of Providence,” he said, “has been assisted by the dedicated men and women […]
VONNEGUT’S FINAL CHAT WITH KILGORE TROUT
Kurt Vonnegut’s “Requiem for a Dreamer” is making the rounds. It’s a conversation between Vonnegut and out-of-print science fiction writer Kilgore Trout, and turned out to be their last: Trout committed suicide by drinking Drano at midnight on October 15 in Cohoes, New York, after a female psychic using tarot cards predicted that the environmental […]
A PROMISE TO KEEP
A reader writes: This is a non-apochryphal, verifiable story. A fine classical pianist of my acquaintance went under the knife a month or so ago. Just before the anesthetic took effect, she looked up at her surgeon and said: “If I don’t make it through this, promise me one thing.” “What is it, Sonia?” “That […]
NO BRAINERS
Take a tip from David Hackworth, whose “Memo for the President-Elect” makes these recommendations: + Immediately fire SecDef Donald Rumsfeld, all of his Pentagon senior civilian assistants and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Richard Myers.+ Replace Rumsfeld with retired Gen. Anthony Zinni and give this tough, smart, proven leader a free hand to […]
HARRY’S POLL
Harry’s Bar in Paris, famous as an American tourist hangout and for sponsoring the International Imitation Hemingway Contest, also runs a Straw Vote for president. It began in 1924, and it’s supposed to have been wrong only once — in 1976, when Carter beat Ford. If this year’s vote holds up, John Kerry will be the next president. (The tally was 54 percent for […]
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