Mathematics for Musicians

It’s a chilly Friday in Madison, Wisconsin, that demands a little light humor rather than a pensive tome today. So here are a few selections from the hilarious Mathematics for Musicians recently forwarded to me by a colleague (thanks Bob):

• Wilma is tired of paying for clarinet reeds. If she adopts a policy of playing only on rejected reeds from her colleagues will she be able to retire on the money she has saved if she invests it in mutual bonds, yielding 8.7%, before she is fired from her job? If not, calculate the probability of her ever working in a professional symphony orchestra again.
• Jethro has been playing the double bass in a symphony orchestra for twelve years, three months and seven days. Each day, his inclination to practice decreases by the equation:
  (Total days in the orchestra) x .000976
  Assuming he stopped practicing altogether four years, six months and three days ago, how long will it be before he is completely unable to play the double bass?

• Betty plays in the viola section. Despite her best efforts she is unable to play with the rest of the orchestra and, on average, plays .3528 seconds behind the rest of the viola section, which is already .16485 seconds behind the rest of the orchestra. If the orchestra is moving into a new concert hall with a reverberation time of 2.7 seconds, will she be able to continue playing this way undetected?
• Ralph loves to drink coffee. Each week he drinks three more cups of coffee than Harold, who drinks exactly one third the amount that the entire brass section consumes in beer. How much longer is Ralph going to live?
  

Happy Friday!