Because we’re recovering from the anemic gathering of protesters in Central Park that
followed yesterday’s massive anti-Bush march, beautifully described by Robert D. McFadden as
“a roaring two-mile river of
demonstrators,” we leave today’s commentary to pop expert Ryan
McGee’s running account of the really important stuff: last night’s MTV Video Music Awards.
This not only gives us a rest. It fills a celebrity gap here at ArtsJournal, which chooses not to acknowledge this annual
celebration of frivolous cultural attainment and hence dismisses its significance as a parody of
human achievement. So here’s a taste of McGee’s minute-by-minute self-sacrifice:
6:45 pm:
No Doubt is being interviewed by John (N to the Nizzle)
Norris. This will appear on the next No Doubt DVD under the featurette “When Gwen Realized
She Didn’t Need These Guys Anymore.”
6:54 pm: Alicia Keyes just promised I’d
never forget her performance. What I’m sure I’ll never forget is the dead beaver that up and lept
on her head.
6:57 pm: They released Kurt Loder from his cryogenic chamber to
help host the pre-show. This guy ages in Dick Clark years. Stunning.
7:15 pm: I’m
now downstairs in the living room on the roommate’s computer. 27″ TV in front of me, surround
sound speakers, and a laptop all in the same room. And yet, they’re threatening to let Ashlee
Simpson perform after the commercial break.
7:22 pm: Kurt: “So what’s your
album like, Paris?” Paris: “It comes out in January.” Wow. Sometimes brevity is the soul of wit,
and sometimes it’s the soul of Mistress Skankula.
7:29 pm: I’m going to leave it up
to the professionals to explain why Bruce Willis showed up on P. Diddy’s boat. And why Naomi
Campbell’s doing her impression of Imam in the Michael Jackson “Remember the Time”
video.
7:32 pm: In the category of ‘White People Saying Things They Shouldn’t,”
Bruce just told John No-No-Norris that, “I’m just here running with my friend Sean.” White
people shouldn’t run with anybody unless it’s David Lee Roth and he’s running with the devil. It’s
just a personal opinion. Like Andre 3000, I’m just being honest.
When you read the full version, forgive his errors: McGee believes in
typing as fast as he can. For really more important stuff, Howell Raines in The Guardian
does the job on how the Bush brain ticks.
