“What You Will Is What You Get,” in iambic pentameter
Act 1. A board room at a prestigious company. Several board members are present before the meeting begins.
BANKER I hear we learn the season’s plays anon,
LAWYER Yet this year’s offerings did us but flop.
Behooves us great to change the path we take
Else we go belly up.
WEALTHY SCION Oh, shut your trap.
The art we see is perfect just as is.
BANKER But hark, the gavel of the chair it pounds.
The Chair pounds a gavel.
CHAIR A quorum now, we start the meeting hence.
What items have we yet to vote upon?
VICE CHAIR There is but one, the budget for the year.
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR Excuse my interruption, but alas,
Financially, we are in Satan’s grip.
We owe so much we cannot pay it back,
And yet this year, we’ve two long plays to go.
We’re out of cash, as I’ve been warning you.
The first three plays drew quarter houses full.
It seems to me it’s premature to vote
On next year’s docket when we have no dough.
I’ve asked since starting here five years ago,
I’ll ask again whence money new will come?
WEALTHY SCION Hear, hear, and all my friends would echo me,
The wealthiest among us do engage.
Elite, intelligent, and White as snow,
To them this is epitome of art.
But when we choose to tell the stories of those
Complaining ‘bout their lot as Black as soot,
Those are the plays my friends they do eschew
Experiences that reflect them not.
THE ONE BLACK BOARD MEMBER And yet, is this the future for this place?
We only do what wealthy WASPs would want?
Is selling tickets really at the core
Of proving worth to our community?
CHAIR Now simmer down, there is no need to fight,
When all we seem to need is currency.
Now who amongst you hasn’t made a gift?
The bottom line is that we’re almost broke.
WEALTHY SCION Oh, pish, I’ll write a check. I always do.
Here’s fifty thousand more, we can move on.
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR That’s good, we’ll only need a hundred more
To finish off this season in the black.
THE ONE BLACK BOARD MEMBER But what about next season and the next?
How can we prove our worth when every year
We find ourselves in hock up to our ears
And only serve our friends, or worse, ourselves?
Are we a charity or not at all?
How do we measure our activities?
By revenues against expenses? What?
Is money earned or raised the only thing?
We cannot simply put on plays and stop.
It’s vulgar money-grubbing at its worst.
We must deserve, deserve our precious gifts
By gauging what our impact is outside
These fancy walls and plush theater seats.
We cannot do whate’er we want to do.
Oh, art is not a product, it’s a tool
To make our region quantifi’bly better.
And as the only Black face here, I ask
Am I just here as token to your needs?
CHAIR No, no, we need you here to show we care.
The One Black Board Member exits, pursued by a Bear.
BEAR Grrr-rowl! There goes our board diversity!
Our numbers will look horrible on grants.
I’ll have to make things up to get support!
Bear exits.
CHAIR Methinks I need a drink. Be back in ten.
Act II. An area beneath an overpass. A social worker is carefully addressing unseen people through blue tents.
SOCIAL WORKER Poor naked wretches, wheresoe’er you are,
That bide the pelting of this pitiless storm,
How shall your houseless heads and unfed sides,
Your loop’d and window’d raggedness, defend you
From seasons such as these?
CONDUCTOR Excuse me, friend.
I’ve brought a brass ensemble here to play.
Those people in the tents are human beings
Who simply have no other place to go.
They’re neither smart nor stupid, merely poor.
They’re just like us; except they have no home.
We’ve brought some chairs, some water, and a shell
In front of which we’ll play to soothe their lives.
We’d like to help, so can we work with you
To help these folks find services they need?
SOCIAL WORKER I weep with happiness at your request
But wait, whilst you set up, I’ll make some calls;
My colleagues that can offer help will join.
How long to build that shell of which you speak?
And set your microphones to be distinct
That traffic’s boom will not drown out your band?
CONDUCTOR We’ll only need some twenty minutes hence,
And then we’ll play for forty minutes more.
With breaks so that your friends can fill the needs
Of all the people here. [yells] Let’s set it up!
Act III. Forty minutes later. The ensemble has played beautifully. There is a brief interval, during which social workers from several different agencies talk to the unhoused citizenry attending. The One Black Board Member is on site and sits in on this conversation.
UNHOUSED MAN You ask me what I need right now, today?
To tell the truth, my smell is harsh to me.
I’d love a shower, yes, a shave as well.
And maybe better clothes to brave the cold.
SOCIAL WORKER A shower? Yes! Just stay with me, good sir
And after concert finishes, we’ll walk.
‘Tis only but a block or two away,
Where showers are aplenty just for you.
A barber comes each Wednesday afternoon,
He’ll cut your hair and shave your face to boot!
While he does that, I’ll find you better clothes,
And see how we can get you subsidies
For food, for housing, and a lease on life.
UNHOUSED MAN If true, I really am appreciative,
For life has not been kind to me thus far.
Not dead, and yet I am invisible.
If not for music now, I’d lose my mind.
What price must I pay you for doing this,
This kindness that restores my dignity?
SOCIAL WORKER For twenty minutes, listen to the group.
And I’ll be here; no, I won’t leave your side.
We’ll sit, we’ll smile, we’ll clap, and then we’ll go.
This music is a blessing for us all.
They happily listen to the band play.
Act IV. A cramped office in a rundown building. It is the office of the orchestra that played under the overpass.
CONDUCTOR I’m glad you’ve come; our brass ensemble played
Quite beautifully, but that was not the point.
Our goal is not just music at its best
But lifting people out of homelessness.
Our subsidy from arts foundations comes,
But also do we gain support from those
Whose missions are to make a better world.
Our funding is diverse.
THE ONE BLACK BOARD MEMBER I noticed this.
Oh how this orchestra commands the day
By playing so these people can progress.
I love the arts, but love this even more!
To think that music hath the charms to heal!
This arts nonprofit surely needs support.
To them I shall work hardest for the cause,
For cause is at the heart of charity.
CONDUCTOR Then may we count on you and your support?
THE ONE BLACK BOARD MEMBER Indeed! And all my friends will join as well.
Act V. The boardroom from Act I. One month later.
THE ONE BLACK BOARD MEMBER Does art alone beget one’s self-respect?
Is that enough, or is there more to do?
This theater with which I was involved
Could never have imagined such a plan.
Let self-indulgence be removed from art,
At least nonprofit corporations’ goal.
The play is not the thing, instead it’s this:
Community has needs above a show.
The shame of it is that you have a chance
To change your ways and measure impact thus.
But will you? No, my guess is that you’ll just
Remain on course for self-destructive end.
And as for me, I found the best there is:
A charity that cares about effect.
I found an orchestra that plays with zest,
Whose music is unmatched in flair and style.
But excellence is not enough for them.
They play to lift the homeless out of pain
And help them to regain their sense of self.
Elitists don’t deserve a nickel’s aid,
‘Tis you fits that description to a T.
There is no “art for art’s sake!” That applies
To artists, not to toxic donor cliques.
Alas, adieu to you, pretentious snobs
Whose art does naught but build your self-esteem.
And Bear, to you, I offer token gift,
From token me, please pass this on to all.
She puts on boxing glove, punches the bear in the nose, and exits, unpursued.
End of play.
WATCH THIS SPACE FOR A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT ON MAY 14
Leave a Reply