READING THE TEA LEAVES

Will voters ever get to see what those guys were scribbling so furiously on their notepads? Our guess is Mr. Sourpuss was doodling his Republican mantra, "significant progress," and reminding himself not to curl his lip or spit too much venom.

Although he was aiming for gravitas (that much overused word), he managed instead to throw a "modulated tantrum," Tom Shales writes, in a debate that "was like a tea party for pitbulls."

Our guess is Mr. Smiley was doodling his Democratic counter-mantra, "four more years of the same," and notes to himself not to smile too much, which he succeeded in doing, as though that might prove he had the kind of gravitas (much overused word) to qualify him for the second-highest office in the land without resorting to a dyspeptic demeanor or snide remarks.

In fact, he succeeded in not being just a pretty boy. He put Mr. Sourpuss on the defensive and kept the pressure on right from the start: "Mr. Vice President, you are still not being straight with the American people," he said, then rounded on him:

I mean the reality you and George Bush continue to tell people, first, that things are going well in Iraq. [WHAM!] The American people don't need us to explain this to them. [BAM!] They see it on their television every single day. [THANK YOU, MA'AM!]

What was Mr. Sourpuss's comeback?

We've made significant progress in Iraq. [LAME!] We've stood up a new government ... But the point of success in Iraq will be reached when we have turned governance over to the Iraqi people, they've been able to establish a democratic government. They're well on their way to doing that. [LAME AGAIN!] They'll have free elections next January for the first time in history. [WHO'S HE KIDDING?] We also are actively, rapidly training Iraqis to take on the security responsibility. [THAT'S WHY INTERIM PRIME MINISTER ALLAWI SAID YESTERDAY THAT IRAQ'S POLICE FORCE CAN'T QUELL THE INSURGENCY.] Those two steps are crucial to success in Iraq. They're well in hand, well under way. [TRIPLY LAME.] And I'm confident that in fact we'll get the job done. [IF HE SAYS SO.]

For me that pretty much settled the issue of who won the debate. Others apparently agreed. MSNBC.com reported earlier this morning that 1.2 million users of their site replied to the question of who won, and that 63% said John Edwards, compared with 37% who said Dick Cheney. CNN.com reported that 252,963 of theirs graded Edwards B+ for content and B+ for delivery, compared with Cheney's grades of B- for content and B- for delivery.

Those are not scientific polls. But CBS News polled a nationally representative sample of 178 debate watchers who described themselves as "uncommitted voters" and found that 41% said Edwards won, compared to 28% who said Cheney won. The rest, 31%, said it was a tie.

Meanwhile, The Washington Post is running a Daily Tracking Poll of voter preferences that is so scientific it makes my eyes glaze over. If you can make head or tail of it, congratulations. Whoever compiled those stats is one helluva serious pollster. This is a poll summary within my comprehension, except that I hate to think American voters are so dumb.