MOVING ON

Tonight's a big one for moveon.org's "Bush in 30 Seconds" ad contest. The liberal advocacy group will name the winner on its Website. For those unfamiliar with the competition, here's the dope. The jury is looking for "the ad that best tells the truth about President Bush's failed policies" in 30 seconds.

The winning ad is to be broadcast 30 times next week on national television to coincide with the Maximum Leader's State of the Union message, moveon.org announced. Meantime, you can still vote here for the "Funniest Ad," "Best Youth Ad," and "Best Animation" in the contest.

This brings to mind Jim Washburn, who writes an opinion column for an alternative weekly in the benighted Republican stronghold of Orange County, California. It's called "Lost in OC." Washburn dipped into Santa's Mailbag over the Christmas holiday to answer questions about current political realities and in one piece of advice cited moveon.org as a good place to seek wisdom.

Washburn quoted a message from a California lemming asking Santa to clear up his confusion about der Gropenfuhrer, for whom he'd voted. Since his election, the Grope has broken various promises, the lemming wrote, and "now he says it's time to 'move on.' I remember the president 'moved on' from lying about the war, and from not really being elected, and from ever finding the staffer who outed the CIA agent, and from a bunch of other zany confusing stuff. Moving on really seemed to settle his hash.

"Am I getting this right, that moving on is good to do, like if I hit your car and you're bleeding on the dash and not looking so good, I can just 'move on' and everything's okay?" the disillusioned lemming asked. "Is 'moving on' different from 'getting a move on' or 'busting a move'? If there's a book, with pictures, that shows me how to move on, that's what I'd like, Santa." And he signed the message: "I Can't Tell You My Name Because the Nametag's Upside Down."

Santa's reply, as noted, was: "Dear Upside Down: There's no such book, but looking in my crystal ball I see there's a website called MoveOn.org. Maybe it can help you to understand things."

Some Americans would object that Santa's response was partisan and therefore divisive, which is unworthy of a saint. But others would defend Saint Nick's right to preach against Republicans, especially against der Gropenfuhrer and the Maximum Leader. That's the difference between democracy and theocracy, even for citizens who pledge allegiance to "one nation under God."

Washburn doesn't just stick to politics. He spreads his wisdom around. Here he is on Internet telecommunications consumer blight. For more of the political wisdom he and Santa recommend, however, tune in tonight to the live Webcast of "Bush in 30 Seconds," to be linked here at 7:30 p.m. ET from the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City. The winners will be posted here at 11 p.m.