HAVE AN ORANGE NEW YEAR

It's Code Orange. We're told not to worry but to keep an eye out for anything suspicious. So we interrupt our vacation to bring you this report from the land of New York City. An observant correspondent writes:

"Nobody believes me, but every single time we drive into the city along the West Side Highway beside the Hudson River, we always, always, always see a huge black barge-like object hovering in the river, just off the shipping channel, about even with 96th Street.

"It seems very odd indeed that there would always be such an object so near to the busy shipping lanes. Barges and coastal steamers are always plying the river to and from the northern cities of Albany, Troy, and points in between. We first noticed this object after September 11, 2001.

"My theory, since first spotting it, is that it might contain guided missiles which could be sent aloft in the event an aircraft is detected headed for impact in the city. And if so, I think it's a pretty good idea."

This was my reply:

"A friend of mine sees that barge-like object from her window overlooking the river and always wondered herself what it might be. I told her to get a pair of binoculars and have a closer look. She says the thing occasionally moves away and then returns, which doesn't mean it's NOT a missile launcher. But don't you think the authorities would have to be more clandestine? Although it might make sense to isolate a missile launcher in the river, it's there for anyone to see from all the apartment buildings lining Riverside Drive and further down to midtown. I would imagine it would arouse curiosity and, if so, would have made the papers by now."

My correspondent did not reply to that reply, but sent another message:

"Now we're getting somewhere. Here's a note from a friend of my sister-in-law. The fellow lives in Westport, Conn.: 'Within days of 9/11, there were two huge black unmarked barges right off the beach in Westport. I was on my bicycle at the beach and stopped to talk to a cop, and he confirmed to his best guess that they were military. He being an ex-Marine. They were there only a few weeks. It could be what was brought to the NYC harbor. I hope it means that we are being protected.' "

The gyre turns. We're getting messages within messages. And this morning my correspondent sent another message with a message within:

"Well, now it's getting silly as people let their imagination run with the barge mystery. I seem to have started a kind of barge blog:

'Ok, here's how it looks. Al Qaeda plants the barges in Connecticut. The Coast Guard, thinking it was put there by the CIA, tows them to NY. Next, Mayor Bloomberg will have them hauled to Central Park as a monument to GB for protecting us. The Al Qaeda get out of the barge and blow up the GM Building. Fortunately, it is Sunday and no one is in the building except some 5th Avenue lawyers working on a secret merger between Halliburton and the Saudi's sponsored by Cheney. Cheney gets upset and starts an inquiry. The Jews are blamed for the whole thing because they would not settle with Arafat and give up Israel.'

"That's just one example. Enough."

The mystery remains unsolved, and we're going back on vacation.