ZEN KRASSNER

"Neglect Paul Krassner at your own risk." So sayeth Skeets Gallagher. Krassner's most recent Zen Bastard column in the New York Press, begins with a tidbit about Der Gropenfuhrer that must have had the Los Angeles Times eating its heart out.

Krassner writes:

Maybe I should start selling "I Told You So" t-shirts. Five years ago, I published this item: "Here's a story about the arrogance of power even the tabloids won't publish. At a dinner party, Arnold Schwarzenegger told a young woman he would give her $1000 if she would stick her finger up her ass and then let him smell it. She refused. Later, he followed her into the bathroom and forcibly stuck his own finger up her ass. He did not pay her. She is an actress and has not brought a lawsuit because she fears it would hurt her career in Hollywood."

And he reminds us:

The morning after California's recall election, on "The View," Meredith Vieira demonstrated to Joy Behar the new governor's special handshake. Vieira simply placed her right hand on Behar's left breast. Amidst laughter and applause, Behar asked, "Can I please have my nipple back now?"

Nobody has ever accused Krassner of lacking imagination. But given the facts as he understands them, he doesn't need to imagine anything. Not when scientific studies, the Internet, television and the news media offer prime material that requires no embroidery. The rest of his column, taken directly from all those sources, is proof that all he does is make the indispensible connections. That, of course, does require a Zen master.

Postscript: Krassner isn't the only one mocking Der Grope. Dave Letterman's getting in his licks.