Do you ever get the feeling the Bush administration is fighting the war on terrorism by
bobbing for apples? I do — and not because it’s Halloween. But never mind. It’s also floppy
Friday, time to forget our troubles. Here’s some entertaining word-play, aka bad puns, making the
rounds of the Web in various places like the Malapropria page of The Mailbox News or the
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
You feel stuck with your debt
when you can’t budge it.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two
tired.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
When two egotists meet, it’s
an I for an I.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A man needs a
mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Shotgun
wedding: A case of wife or death.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count
votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
Dancing
cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
What’s the definition of a
will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
He
often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was
never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A midget fortune-teller who
escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center,
you’ve seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa’s
helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
With apologies to all surfers who’ve already seen these, and further apologies to all
who can’t stand puny humor.
