FLOPPY FRIDAY

Do you ever get the feeling the Bush administration is fighting the war on terrorism by bobbing for apples? I do -- and not because it's Halloween. But never mind. It's also floppy Friday, time to forget our troubles. Here's some entertaining word-play, aka bad puns, making the rounds of the Web in various places like the Malapropria page of The Mailbox News or the Puns Intended page of ezboard.com:

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
You feel stuck with your debt when you can't budge it.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.

With apologies to all surfers who've already seen these, and further apologies to all who can't stand puny humor.