You’ve probably seen references to most of the news events that Harper’s Magazine listed the
other day in its Weekly Review. These aren’t all of them, just the
ones that might have been a figment of Jon Stewart’s funny bone:
A shoplifter in Amsterdam was kicked to death by supermarket employees. A lightning bolt
killed 20 pregnant cows in Florida. Wesley Clark said he believes that humans will someday
exceed the speed of light. Arnold Schwarzenegger told his son that being governor will be a lot
like making a movie. Japan was investigating an orgy in China involving 400 Japanese tourists and
500 Chinese prostitutes. A penis-snatcher was beaten to death in Gambia, and a monkey moved a
robot with its mind.
