Center of the Universe

We live eight miles from where Chelsea Clinton is getting married this weekend. I walked into my local copy shop, and Jerry asked, “Have you gotten your invitation to the big wedding yet?” I said, “Mine must have gotten stuck in the mail, it hasn’t arrived.” Jerry said, “Yeah, it’s probably sitting next to mine.” No boats are allowed to sail in this stretch of the Hudson for the weekend. The biplanes at the Aerodrome, a popular local attraction, are grounded for the duration. The fairgrounds have been emptied out, because that’s where the helicopters are landing. Two extra sheriffs have been hired, apparently at taxpayer expense. The Clintons are staying with a rich family whose name adorns one of Bard’s most expensive buildings. Residents are pretty much warned to stay away from the town this weekend. The rehearsal dinner is rumored to be taking place at my favorite local restaurant, a joint too pricey for me to dine at except on celebratory occasions. If by any chance Chelsea is a reader of this blog, I highly recommend the macadamia-nut tempura calamari and the garlic soup. They’re fantastic. And mazel tov.


  1. Paul Muller says

    When Ronald Reagan would visit his ranch above Santa Barbara there was a military aircraft circling at all times to handle communications into the remote hillside where the ranch house was located.
    They say you always knew when Reagan was up at his ranch because garage door openers were apparently activated at random all over town by the gear in the communications plane…
    It’ll all be over for you in a weekend.
    KG replies: Maybe that’s why my remote-controlled TV keeps going on and off randomly. But I can enjoy the schadenfreude of all those rich people who can’t go out in their boats this weekend.

  2. Chelsea says

    Thanks, Kyle! Love your blog!
    KG replies: I sent you my Cage book as a wedding gift. Hope you like it!

  3. mclaren says

    Just be thankful they’re not celebrating Chelsea’s wedding by beheading 30 children, the way the Aztecs used to.
    Someday soon, that’s how we’ll celebrate the inauguration of a new president. The victims will be interred underneath the podium where the newly-elected president gives his inaugural address, to add gravitas to the occasion.

  4. Daniel Rutkowski says

    I assume you’re speaking of Terrapin.
    In my mind, that garlic soup is just a bit too ridiculous for me. It’s essentially liquefied garlic.
    KG replies: No no, it’s got a great flavor. I guess you have to really love garlic.