I'm Available

My ever-elusive dream of snagging a Pentagon R&D contract may now be coming true. I understand why the military never asked me to design weapons systems, desert camouflage, or toilet seats. But now that they're in the propaganda business, I respectfully offer my services as a PR consultant.

My fees are pretty high, but not unreasonable when you consider how esoteric this PR stuff can be. Only a high-priced expert like me can understand some of this stuff. Here's one example:

If America wants to revive its Cold War image as a beacon of human rights, the perhaps we should not make illegal detention and torture a staple of our entertainment. Lately I've been struggling with an addiction to 24, the first TV series to succeed in turning the war on terrorism into family entertainment. Famous for its steroidally suspenseful plots that unfold in "real time," 24 contains scene after scene of systematic bloodletting, bonebreaking, electrocution, and summary execution of familiy members - acts performed as often, or more often, by the good guys as by the bad. The series is thoroughly gripping, and while the torture bits are not my reason for watching, they do make the show feel ... well, cutting edge.

How this plays overseas, I will be happy to speculate if the powers-that-be put me on retainer. Call me greedy, but I'm not the one driving up the price of common sense.