Reel Faster, This One's Getting Away

The saga of the dying movie theater continues...

In today's NY Times, Bruce Weber reports on the latest attempt of the theater chains to lure adults out of their homes to watch movies: "luxury" theater accommodations.

One megaplex is described as "an ornate, Mediterranean style" temple suggesting "the ambience of a las Vegas hotel." Another pays "homage to the faux-Mediterranean" look of Boca Raton. Several boast baby-sitting services (don't ask), cash bars, and full course meals - all before the happy patrons sink into their "plush wide seats" next to "small tables with sunken cup holders" to watch ... The Dukes of Hazzard.

Where to begin? First, "homage to the faux" sounds a tad too authentic for me - better to wait for the next generation: perhaps the sand-castle imitation of the papier mache version of the virtual hologram copy?

Second, the luxuries on offer sound suspiciously like those of old-fashioned dinner theater, only without the thrill of a semi-live performance.

Third, do they really expect to sell all that booze and then show a two-hour movie without what the Germans call "eine pinkel Pause"?

And fourth ... The Dukes of Hazzard?