Everyone's a Critic, Season 2: Get a Load of these Ledes

Shawn: Great lede, enjoyed the imagery!

Amy: Your ledes are consistently strong! You place your audience into the world immediately while directing your audience toward what they need to focus on.

Robby: Apu and Miss Cleo puts your audience immediately into the world of this play. Simple, and memorable. Nice Job

Nic: I agree with Valerie with having the first line a little too lengthy. It does keep me engaged and interested to see what comes next.

Michael: The first sentence needs to be revised, because at the moment it makes no. Your second sentence makes me realize what you are getting. Synthesizing these ideas into one will help.

Mark: Great imagery, that draws me hook, line and sinker in to this review.

Valerie: Simple, engaging, and direct. Well done.

Peter: Last sentence is stellar!

Nathan: Your last sentence needs reworking, but overall I can see where your angle is.

Jensen: Rework the first sentence, and provide the audience with more attention to what your angle is.

Kelly: Streamline your ideas a bit in the middle. Your beginning and ending are engaging and create a distinct image.

Amy- Your lede is quite good!!! Hook is especially effective.

Nic- Do you really need the description of Gandalf. It seems a bit much. I enjoy your sort of salesman voice that you use at first.

Robby- Your use of the mixed bag feelings you have about an actor to represent the mixed bag feelings you have about the play is a wise choice.

Michael- Try stream lining this paragraph. Some empty space, “Who is this . . . of course” just to name a few.

Mark- Not so sure about the use of “big way.” It takes me out of it. I like the idea of proposing a suit allergy though. Clever, clever. I think this is pretty solid.

Connor- Fun isn’t . . . well fun.

Valerie- The end makes me want to keep reading!!!

Peter- Maybe try taking out the “all of” it isn’t really needed. Kill your "legendary" baby though.

Nathan- I’m not quite sure what you mean by “edge of a baseball bat.” The 1st sentence grabs my attention, and the slight reference to Underdog is funny.

Jensen- Nice use of points. Maybe work on a better hook.

Kelly- Trim it down a bit. "Suicidal cynic" is great fun! :)

Shawn – the fact that this is obviously not your typical scenario immediately draws me in. Nice imagery in the beginning.

Amy – Love the opening sentence! If I had not seen the show, I seriously would have been like, “WHAT!?!?!” Each sentence kept me wanting more. Way to go!

Nicholas – that first sentence is quite wordy and leaves me a bit confused. Maybe limit it down to fewer things.

Robby – I feel that “tugged” is not quite the right word… maybe, “suspended”. I dunno, but it sounds a bit awkward to me. However, the rest was entertaining while establishing a clear picture of how you feel about this show.

Michael – I think this could have been condensed, it is a lot of words.

Mark – great mental image with the analogy of being allergic. Kind of long, but informative and I get a real sense for the craziness of the show.

Connor – the beginning grabs my attention, but the rest becomes a bit bland… more imagery

Peter – nice twist for the reader at the end. Your feelings about the show are quite clear already, but I feel “legendary” does not quite fit. Is legendary good or bad here?

Nathan – The first sentence in all honesty, though funny, kinda scares me. Upon first reading it my immediate response to the question was a worried, “no”. I’m not sure I understand the baseball bat comparison.

Jensen – first sentence is LONG – any way to make it more concise? And what exactly is schadenfreude? Maybe its just me, but I have no clue what that word means!

Kelly – I especially love “suicidal cynic starving for peace”. The ending is wordy and could probably be reworked to be more concise.

Issac: Yes, she has our permission.

Shawn - Not only excellent imagery, but wonderful sense of the show on a whole

Amy - I'm not sure from this that I know whether or not you liked it... hope in the production or in the play itself? Also, in response, had my title been included you might have gotten it... "An Amazing Deal: Miss Witherspoon" I wanted to sell the enjoyable show by literally trying to sell it... perhaps it was executed poorly or maybe I should have just been more traditional. I just wanted to try something a little different.

Robby - I love the use of Apu and Miss Cleo... excellent choices that give me a clear vision.

Michael - Be careful of describing Witherspoon as a hero... this is an arguable point as it is; however, I find that this gives away the ending just a bit if you argue that she is...

Mark - Wonderful... I know exactly how you feel but your imagery makes me want to go on.

Connor - Nice, simple approach.

Valerie - This is tied together nicely.

Peter - I really like this... maybe it's the contrast at the end...

Nathan - It's just a bit much...

Jensen - Explain schadenfreude... perhaps who Veronica is as well?

Kelly - "one man show"... the use of this confuses me... is it in comparison to the "duel ideas"?

Absolutely. It was part of the program both last year and this year. In fact, they'd like as much feedback from theater and journalism pros as possible.

Shawn- AWESOME imagery. Careful with the generic "funny" and "a few stumbles".

Nick- The dissonant list you start with is certainly interesting, but are you going for a review or an infomercial?

Robby- Exclude the personal pronouns. Would your review center around Maryamma? Love the allusions.

Michael- Is Witherspoon really a hero? Love the taboo comment. You could even be more harsh in your closing sentence-why would we want to stop it?

Mark- Beautiful imagery and prose, as always. However, for someone who HAS seen the show, the iris shot seems to aptly describe Witherspoon's reincarnation process as well.

Connor- Love the opening sentences; I definitely want to keep reading! But it's hard to tell where you're heading with "stimulates the mind".

Valerie: This was one of my favorite ledes! I absolutely love the last two sentences.

Peter: Careful with personal pronouns. Loved where you're headed, I can def hear your voice, but the last sentence was off-putting and unrelated.

Nathan: Love the start, but the last sentence contains so much imagery that it's difficult to digest your point. Streamline it.

Jensen: Love your specifics. Make sure to explain schadenfreude (for those who have not seen Avenue Q)

Kelly: You have a lot in here to summarize the basic experience of the show. Your last sentence really makes me want to hear more!

Just a quick question: Did you get your student's permission before posting their work online? Before weighing in on which ones I prefer, I just wanted to make sure they know that's what we're doing here.