{"id":514,"date":"2010-08-26T11:29:24","date_gmt":"2010-08-26T11:29:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp\/?p=514"},"modified":"2010-08-26T11:29:24","modified_gmt":"2010-08-26T11:29:24","slug":"hating_on_the_harp_and_other_t","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/2010\/08\/hating_on_the_harp_and_other_t\/","title":{"rendered":"Hating on the harp and other things too"},"content":{"rendered":"

OK, everyone stop playing. The game of who can write the best classical music reviews has been won, and the winner is dark horse candidate Vice Magazine<\/i><\/a>. This link came to my attention because Sondra’s CD<\/a> is reviewed about halfway down the page. She got a teethy smiley face, not a vomit face, and thankfully, not TWO vomit faces like Sting. <\/p>\n

SONDRA RADVANOVSKY PERFORMED WITH CONSTANTINE ORBELIAN CONDUCTING THE PHILHARMONIA OF RUSSIA
\nVerdi Arias
Delos<\/i>
\n\"\"<\/p>\n

Maybe
\nyou’re a little burned out on Italian opera composers of the 19th
\ncentury. Hey, who isn’t? Well, put on your dancing shoes my friend,
\nbecause Sondra Radvanovsky just came to town. This lady doesn’t merely
\nbreath new life into the stale arias of yesteryear–she can act figure
\neights around any A-list Hollywood starlet in the biz. Just listen to
\nher heartbreak, as Aida the Ethiopian Slave, in O patria mia<\/i> (from act 3 of Aida<\/i>). If you ever need to whip up some tears for a job interview or jury duty, just pop this bad boy into your iPod.<\/p>\n

JANITT KLAMSTON<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Now let me direct you do some of the other reviews. I wonder what the ArtsJournal policy on swearing is. Well, we’ll find out. <\/p>\n

GUSTAV MAHLER PERFORMED BY THE LONDON PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA
\nSymphony No. 2, “Resurrection”
London Philharmonic Orchestra<\/i>
\n\"\"<\/p>\n

The late Klaus Tennstedt conducts the equally late Gustav Mahler, making this the Life After Death<\/i> of 19th-century Austro-Germanic late Romantics. Or at least the Tupac: Resurrection<\/i>
\nof early-20th-century modernists. Lotsa high-low tam-tams, sassy
\nwoodwinds, and sinister use of C Minor. Not terrible, but not really my
\nthing. Which I guess is bad news for Klaus and Gus, because now they
\nboth get that little puking-guy graphic. <\/p>\n

EVA BLATTERHOSEN<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

VARIOUS ARTISTS
\nMusic of America: Charles Ives
\nSony Masterworks<\/i>
\n\"\"<\/p>\n

What is this sellout bullshit? Charles Ives on Sony<\/i>?
\nIsn’t this the same guy who composed that “F— Sony” sonata a few
\nyears ago? What’s next? Prokofiev doing Pepsi commercials? Pablo Casals
\nhawking Cool Ranch Doritos? It’s like something out of a Bill Hicks
\nbit. Ives just couldn’t wait<\/i> to suck that corporate cock. Unbelievable. <\/p>\n

BALLS LARSON<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

DMITRI SHOSTAKOVICH PERFORMED BY ALEXANDER MELNIKOV
\nPreludes and Fugues
\nHarmonia Mundi<\/i>
\n\"\"<\/p>\n

Shostakovich
\nseems like a nice guy, and he got dicked around plenty by the Commies.
\nSo I’d like to cut him a break. And I understand there is such a thing
\nas Romantic quietude, and I get that he wants to throw in some Russian
\nfolk songs and klezmer for the home audience. Great. But godDAMN these
\nare some listless preludes and fugues. Makes me feel like a big bean
\nbag plopped down in an even bigger bag eating a big bowl of Jello.
\nHarmonia Mundi should include some smelling salts in the jewel case.<\/p>\n

EVA BLATTERHOSEN<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

MOZART PERFORMED BY THE ACADEMY OF ST. MARTIN IN THE FIELDS
\nFlute Concertos; Concerto for Flute and Harp
\"\"RCA<\/i><\/p>\n

Sometimes
\nyou have to decide that you just don’t give a f— what anyone else
\nthinks. I figured that s— out when I was four. Mozart figured it out
\nwhen he was two. This collection of concertos were all written for
\nflute, an instrument Mozart thought was a pile of s—. And guess what?
\nEach piece is a brutal Salzburg curb-stomp. That’s what a badass he
\nwas. Concerto No. 2 in D Major was originally oboe-bound, but after
\nMozart kicked the living s— out of local amateur musician Ferdinand
\nde Jean, he thought he’d further humiliate the fat bastard by making
\nhim do one of his pieces on the flute. The only instrument he hated
\nmore than flute was harp. So guess what pops up in Concerto No. 3?
\nHarp! F-ing Mozart. Man, I’d love to fight that guy.<\/p>\n

FISTOPHER CLOBBORTSON<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I guess it would be wise not to mention I was a harpist if I pitch Vice <\/i>in the future.  <\/p>\n

Read the rest of the reviews–including those of releases by the Emerson String Quartet, Timothy Andres, the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Jonas Kauffman, Brooklyn Rider, and of course, John Williams–here<\/a>.  <\/p>\n

I leave you with this: “No matter how much Michelle Pfeiffer you slap on your album cover, it’s
\nstill going to be a f-ing downer if there’s a bunch of Brahms on the
\ninside.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OK, everyone stop playing. The game of who can write the best classical music reviews has been won, and the winner is dark horse candidate Vice Magazine. This link came to my attention because Sondra’s CD is reviewed about halfway down the page. She got a teethy smiley face, not a vomit face, and thankfully, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-514","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-main","7":"entry"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/514","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=514"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/514\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=514"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=514"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/lifesapitch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=514"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}