{"id":708,"date":"2011-12-24T22:13:14","date_gmt":"2011-12-25T03:13:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/?p=708"},"modified":"2019-09-12T21:30:29","modified_gmt":"2019-09-13T01:30:29","slug":"santa-must-wear-earplugs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/2011\/12\/santa-must-wear-earplugs.html","title":{"rendered":"Santa must wear earplugs"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve recovered a vintage JBJ posting from the archive, December 2008 (hence the reference to waiting for the end of the Bush administration. Still waiting. . . )<\/p>\n

Yuletide music in the U.S. hasn’t gotten better since I first posted this, but it’s not for lack of song programmers scraping the bottom of the barrel. Among seasonal kitsch in heavy rotation I’ve heard Burl Ives warbling “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” enough to times to realize he’s really quite glum — maybe it was the blacklist, maybe the testifying<\/a> to HUAC as a friendly witness to get out of it, but he’s not a happy man singing a happy song.<\/p>\n

Is it really Frank Sinatra on “I Wouldn’t Trade Christmas”? Must be, who else would dare a line like, “You buy the Kris Kringle scene”? Shame on you, Sammy Cahn<\/a>! And then there’s “We Need A Little Christmas Now” from Mame, <\/em>which I believe is a plea from retailers going broke. Jerry Herman wrote better in his first Broadway musical, Milk and Honey<\/a>, about Jewish widows looking for husbands in Israel. It’s okay, there’s a long line of Jewish composers cashing in with Christmas jingles. Hats off to Irving Berlin — “White Christmas<\/a>“\u00c2\u00a0 suits Jascha Heifitz.<\/p>\n

As a disbeliever, I am most offended by songs blasted into secular public space about the newborn King, Christ Our Lord cometh, Holy Night — uh huh,hallelujah.\u00c2\u00a0Glad to say I’ve found a couple of new (old) songs that spell Christmas relief: Eartha Kitt purring “Santa Baby,” which puts the “pay for play” element of mid-winter capitalism right out front. Taylor Swift’s version <\/a>isn’t nearly as avaricious.<\/p>\n

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\u00c2\u00a0Sonny Boy (Rice Miller)\u00c2\u00a0Williamson #2 \u00c2\u00a0blows true to his fashion on “Christmas Blues,” — \u00c2\u00a0drinking ’cause his baby left him, and allowin’ how, “I tried to fetch religion, but the Devil won’t let me pray.”<\/p>\n

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\nThanks to Jim Eigo of Jazz Promo Services<\/a>\u00c2\u00a0for tipping me to organist Bill Doggett’s 12 Songs of Christmas<\/a>, but it’s basic ice rink material. Bob Dylan, of course, has his Christmas In The Heart<\/a> album (in which he channels Tom Waits); John Zorn has his A Dreamers Christmas<\/a>\u00c2\u00a0(in which he employed fine players from the “downtown avant garde) — but damn if both don’t play the seasonal sentiments straight. Where’s Spike Jones<\/a> when we need him? Out-of-print.<\/p>\n

As promised above, here’s “I wake up screaming”. Steel yourselves, friends. Soon it will be over.<\/p>\n

“Do You Hear What I Hear?”\u00c2\u00a0— the most odious quasi-pop song ever committed –\u00c2\u00a0was ringing in my semi-conscious loud enough to jolt me out of sleep one night last week (I summoned to mind “Night In Tunisia<\/a>,” trying to recall every kink in Charlie Parker’s famous alto break, to dispel it). “Little Drummer Boy,” “Silent Night,” Gene Autry’s original version of “Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer” and James Taylor singing “Go Tell It On The Mountain” — does it really have an extended chorus for recorder ensemble? — assault me at the grocery store (the butcher behind the deli counter fights it with a salsa radio station on high volume). “Jingle Bell Rock” is the best of the bunch — at least Bobby Helms swings and the guitar twangs.\u00c2\u00a0Must<\/em> we suffer this cloying drivel every winter holiday?<\/p>\n

The grocery’s manager directed that the Xmas tape be played LOUD! starting the day after Thanksgiving, and the clerks — Brooklynites apparently out of Mexico, Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic, serving customers from points including Russia, Syria, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Manhattan — have gone nuts, bombarded by this stuff on every shift. Last night I shopped in Soho clothing boutiques with my teenage daughter and endured shamelessly glitzy renditions of clich\u00c3\u00a9s — er, “classics” — that should have been buried decades back by the big stars of pop now, Beyonc\u00c3\u00a9 among others I’ve blanked on in self-defense. There is perhaps one handful of moderately acceptable tunes, relatively literate lyrics and decent voices (perhaps “Chestnuts Roasting,” “Winter Wonderland,” “Let It Snow”) and maybe one seasonal delight (“Baby It’s Cold Outside<\/a>,” Ray Charles & Betty Carter still the best), but all are rendered obnoxious by six weeks of ceaseless repetition.<\/p>\n

The loop is too short, that’s part of the problem. Come on, djs! Throw some curves! Where’s Mae West’s (or Marilyn Monroe’s, or Marianne Faithfull’s) “Santa Claus is Coming To Town”? Bing Crosby or Prince drooling “Merry Christmas, Baby”? James Brown powering or George Clinton slandering “Up on the Rooftop with Good St. Nick?” They don’t exist? Then let’s hear Bird and Kenny Dorham blow hipply on “White Christmas<\/a>” (since Billie Holiday didn’t sing it as a dirge), Count Basie’s big band boogie “Jingle Bells,” and Jimi Hendrix throw down “Little Drummer Boy” (yuck) and “Silent Night.” Let’s hear Stevie Wonder<\/a> and Aretha<\/a> and, oh, John Zorn’s Masada<\/a>\u00c2\u00a0or Steven Bernstein’s Diaspora Soul<\/em><\/a> for some Hanukah flavor.<\/p>\n

But enough of this inescapable, annoying, pseudo-sacred, unholy over-wrought, rudely self-righteous and irresponsibly sectarian crap in public places!\u00c2\u00a0Can it possibly be helping people spend? I did notice one elderly lady pushing her shopping cart through the aisles while humming along with “Ave Maria” but the vocal was way out of her range and she did not add pleasantly to the esthetic experience. And<\/em> her cart was empty. She may have been there expressly for the Muzak, but it makes me mu-sick and for sure I want to get out of the store as fast as possible. Things are bad enough, economics, war, climate change, waiting for the end of the world or the Bush administration, whichever comes first. Can’t we go out with a bang, not a whimper? Enough — more than enough! — too, too much commercial Christmas corn!<\/p>\n

Complete disclosure: My birthday is the day after Christmas, a distinction I share\u00c2\u00a0proudly\u00c2\u00a0with Henry Miller<\/a>, Friedrich Engle, Steve Allen, Elisha Cook Jr<\/a>. and Frederick II, less proudly so with Mao Zedong, Rosemary Woods and Phil Spector. As a child I felt I was\u00c2\u00a0cause of all the fuss,\u00c2\u00a0newborn king or just as good as, and though I’ve been told otherwise I can’t say I’ve adjusted. So I stay home surrounded by my own selections or venture forth glad sound is not wired into the subway. But something dreadful can emerge anytime, from any opening door, any car window. “Feliz Navidad.” “Joy to the World.” “This Christmas.”<\/p>\n

At least I found a different grocery store. It’s at the edge of Boro Park and seems to be patronized mostly by Orthodox and Chasidic Jewish residents of the area. I have a hard time making myself understood there, speaking English. But I haven’t heard the Chipmunks or any of their ilk rattling on about 12 days of partridges in pear trees. Twelve days — aren’t they over yet? Ah, sweet relief: Roscoe Mitchell’s “Nonaah.<\/a>” Iannis Xenakis’ Electro-Acoustic Music<\/em>. <\/a>The Rolling Stones’ “Paint It Black<\/a>.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

howardmandel.com<\/a><\/p>\n

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I’ve recovered a vintage JBJ posting from the archive, December 2008 (hence the reference to waiting for the end of the Bush administration. Still waiting. . . ) Yuletide music in the U.S. hasn’t gotten better since I first posted this, but it’s not for lack of song programmers scraping the bottom of the barrel. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":709,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-708","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-main","8":"entry"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/images1.jpeg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1i3CL-bq","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":144,"url":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/2008\/12\/i_wake_up_screaming.html","url_meta":{"origin":708,"position":0},"title":"I wake up screaming","author":"Howard Mandel","date":"December 12, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Do You Hear What I Hear?\"\u00c2\u00a0-- \u00c2\u00a0the most odious quasi-pop song ever committed --\u00c2\u00a0was ringing in my semi-conscious loud enough to jolt me out of sleep one night last week (I summoned to mind \"Night In Tunisia,\" trying to recall ever kink in Charlie Parker's famous alto break, to dispell\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "main"","block_context":{"text":"main","link":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/category\/main"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2967,"url":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/2022\/02\/happy-90th-to-electronic-music-pioneer-herb-deutsch.html","url_meta":{"origin":708,"position":1},"title":"Happy 90th to electronic music pioneer Herb Deutsch","author":"Howard Mandel","date":"February 9, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Herb Deutsch, the trumpeter-pianist-Theremin player-composer-Moog synthesizer co-creator and jazz inspired improviser turns 90 today, February 9, 2022, Robert Moog, l., and Herb Deutsch at the Moog modular synthesizer and a hearty Happy Birthday to him! In celebration, Moog Music has produced a video interview with this emeritus professor of Hofstra\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "main"","block_context":{"text":"main","link":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/category\/main"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/download-8.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2957,"url":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/2021\/12\/holidays-with-music-in-person-or-not.html","url_meta":{"origin":708,"position":2},"title":"Holidays with music, in person or not","author":"Howard Mandel","date":"December 24, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Despite my avowed abhorrence of Christmas music, I enjoyed maestro Kurt Elling leading his hometown quintet in a holiday-themed performance at Chicago's City Winery last Sunday. 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Founder and artistic director of Jazz at Lincoln Center, educator, activist, humanitarian, winner of a Pulitzer and multiple Grammies, Wynton stands tallest in my book when he just\u00c2\u00a0plays jazz.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "main"","block_context":{"text":"main","link":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/category\/main"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":681,"url":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/jazzbeyondjazz\/2011\/12\/week-before-christmas-nyc-listening-beyond-jazz.html","url_meta":{"origin":708,"position":4},"title":"Week before Christmas, NYC listening beyond jazz","author":"Howard Mandel","date":"December 15, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Richard Bona introduces his Mandekan Cubano project at the Jazz Standard, Dec. 27 through New Year's Eve -- as I detail in my new CityArts-New York column. But from now through December 24 there's other strong, new music to check out in, especially at Roulette in Brooklyn. 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