1:09 a.m., Fox News: In an effort to appear fair and balanced, Cameron also reports that
\nGeorge Bush is clearing brush at the ranch. With a flame thrower. And he’s set a CBS news truck
\non fire, reportedly commenting, “Put that<\/I> on your Internets.”<\/P><\/BLOCKQUOTE>
\n
Somehow Feirstein must have channeled the satirical routines of William S. Burroughs. Either
\nthat or he read Uncle Bill’s classic, “Roosevelt After Inauguration.” Here’s an excerpt of that
\n“routine” — Burroughs’s term — which was conceived in a dream back in 1953 (long pre-dating
\nLenny Bruce) and from which, he wrote Allen Ginsberg, “I woke up laughing”:<\/P>
\n
To a Transvestite Lizzie went the post of Congressional Librarian. She
\nimmediately barred the male sex.
\n<\/P>
\n
Lonny the Pimp became Ambassador at Large and went on tour with 50 “secretaries”
\nexcercising his despicable trade.<\/P>
\n
A female impersonator, known as “Eddie the Lady,” headed the Atomic Energy Commission,
\nand enrolled the physicists into a male chorus which was booked as “The Atomic Kids.” …<\/P>
\n
A veteran panhandler was appointed Secretary of State, and disregarding the dignity of his
\noffice, solicited nickels and dimes in the corridors of the State
\nDepartment.<\/P><\/BLOCKQUOTE>
\n
<\/P>
\n
“In short,” Burroughs wrote, “men who had gone gray and toothless in the faithful service of
\ntheir country were summarily dismissed in the grossest terms — like ‘You’re fired you old fuck.
\nGet your piles outa here.'” <\/P>
\n
Admittedly, Burroughs’s tone is much harsher than Feirstein’s. But both cue up the same
\nrealm of absurdity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In the funniest column of the week, Bruce Feirstein imagines the highlights of Election Night 2004. Here’s a sample excerpt from his “Pundits Go Nuts”: 10 p.m., NBC: Andrea Mitchell reports that Mount St. Helen’s has exploded. Tim Russert offers his instant analysis: “Since 1781, no Republican incumbent whose last name begins with a ‘B’ […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-886","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-main","7":"entry"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbvgEs-ei","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/886","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=886"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/886\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=886"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=886"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=886"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}