{"id":854,"date":"2004-10-21T02:07:14","date_gmt":"2004-10-21T09:07:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp\/2004\/10\/dangerous_customs\/"},"modified":"2004-10-21T02:07:14","modified_gmt":"2004-10-21T09:07:14","slug":"dangerous_customs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/2004\/10\/dangerous_customs.html","title":{"rendered":"DANGEROUS CUSTOMS"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><P>The following message arrived a while ago, but was overlooked due to an editorial lapse:<\/P><br \/>\n<P><br \/>\n<BLOCKQUOTE>Dear Straight Up:<br \/>\n<P><\/P><br \/>\n<P>Thank you so much for your support! Due to the enormous influx of avid patrons, <A\nclass=inline href=\"http:\/\/www.geocities.com\/ateliermp\/menu1.html\" target='new\"'><B><FONT\ncolor=#003399>The Endangered Species Restaurant<\/FONT><\/B><\/A> is now hiring additional<br \/>\nstaff in the following categories: <\/P><br \/>\n<P><br \/>\n<BLOCKQUOTE>Thick-Skinned Cooks (Oceolt roasting exp.) (2)<BR>Wild-Animal Poachers<br \/>\n(6)<BR>Appetizer Cleansers (4)<BR>Rare-Bird Watchers (6)<BR>White-Buffalo Skinners<br \/>\n(1)<BR>Samoan Skink Hunters (pending)<BR>Firemen (barbecue experience) (6)<br \/>\n<P><\/P><br \/>\n<P>Opportunites: (w\/ hazardous duty overtime)<\/P><br \/>\n<P>Environmentally Sound Lawyers (7)<BR>Getaway Drivers with armed Humvee permits<br \/>\n(12)<\/P><\/BLOCKQUOTE><br \/>\n<P><\/P><br \/>\n<P>No background checks or drug tests! Remain anonymous! However, all applicants must sign<br \/>\na series of waivers.<\/P><br \/>\n<P>Sincerely,<\/P><br \/>\n<P>Mort Subiet<BR>Special Events Coordinator<BR>2001 Buttes Bluff<BR><A\nhref=\"http:\/\/www.mapquest.com\/maps\/map.adp?country=US&#038;address=&#038;city=Jackson+Hole&#038;sta\nte=WY\"><B><FONT color=#003399>Jackson Hole<\/FONT><\/B><\/A>,<br \/>\nWyoming<\/P><\/BLOCKQUOTE><br \/>\n<P><\/P><br \/>\n<P>Dear Mr. Subiet,<\/P><br \/>\n<P>Thank you for your message. But you mistake&nbsp;the item. <A class=inline\nhref=\"http:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/archives20040901.shtml#87997\"\ntarget='new\"'><B><FONT color=#003399>CULTISH TASTES<\/FONT><\/B><\/A> was neither<br \/>\nsupport for nor endorsement of the profligate waste and shameless consumption represented by<br \/>\nyour restaurant.<\/P><br \/>\n<P>It does occur to me, however, that you may have begun a trend. Your restaurant brings to<br \/>\nmind a new feature in the revamped New York magazine,&nbsp;which is being touted as &#8220;an<br \/>\nupscale\/downscale, uptown\/downtown multipurpose tool for extracting the&nbsp;maximum<br \/>\namount of pleasure from the city.&#8221; <\/P><br \/>\n<P><A class=inline href=\"http:\/\/nyobserver.com\/pages\/offtherec.asp\" target='new\"'><B><FONT\ncolor=#003399>Tom Scocca&#8217;s summary<\/FONT><\/B><\/A> of that magazine&nbsp;feature in<br \/>\nthe New York Observer (third item) gave an idea of the extracted goodies: <\/P><br \/>\n<P><br \/>\n<BLOCKQUOTE><B>Fur-bearing species and their post-mortem habitats:<\/B> <BR>Mink<br \/>\n(Mustela vison)\u2014trim on alligator slingbacks at Judith Lieber<BR>Raccoon (Procyon<br \/>\nlotor)\u2014trim on Andrew Mark coat<BR>Rabbit (Oryctolagus cuniculus)\u2014Alexander McQueen<br \/>\ncoat<br \/>\n<P><\/P><br \/>\n<P><B>Vintages and prices of Chateau d&#8217;Yquem discussed:<\/B><BR>1923, $2,013.75 per<br \/>\nbottle<BR>1983, $100 per glass (includes dessert)<\/P><br \/>\n<P><B>Average price of featured parkas:<\/B><BR>Non-waterproof and\/or uncomfortable:<br \/>\n$427.75<BR>Waterproof,comfortable: $1,454.20<\/P><br \/>\n<P><B>Some things between $300 and $400, in order of ascending<br \/>\nprice:<\/B><BR>Top-of-the-line Joan Vass linen shirt ($300)<BR>Bottom-of-the-line Bennett<br \/>\nLiberty copper-and-leather bowl ($300)<BR>Trip to Isiah Thomas&#8217; hairdresser<br \/>\n($350)<BR>Sodium tetradecyl sulfate injections to treat spider veins (initial session)<br \/>\n($375)<BR>Double room at On the Ave Hotel ($375)<BR>Beauty day at Bergdorf Goodman<br \/>\n($393)<BR>Bottom-of-the-line Vita-Mix 5000 blender ($399)<\/P><\/BLOCKQUOTE><br \/>\n<P><\/P><br \/>\n<P>It seems to me that Mr. Socca, by offering his list, no more intended to endorse the<br \/>\nconspicuous consumption that New York magazine represents than I intended to support the<br \/>\ngrotesque profanation of nature represented by The Endangered Species Restaurant.<\/P><br \/>\n<P>Acceptez, s&#8217;il vous pla<FONT face=\"Times New Roman\" size=3>\u00ee<\/FONT>t, mes sentiments<br \/>\nles plus distingu\u00e9s, etc. etc.<\/P><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The following message arrived a while ago, but was overlooked due to an editorial lapse: Dear Straight Up: Thank you so much for your support! Due to the enormous influx of avid patrons, The Endangered Species Restaurant is now hiring additional staff in the following categories: Thick-Skinned Cooks (Oceolt roasting exp.) (2)Wild-Animal Poachers (6)Appetizer Cleansers [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-854","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-main","7":"entry"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbvgEs-dM","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/854","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=854"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/854\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=854"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=854"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=854"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}