Like Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road, we’re off to see the wizards of “What<\/FONT><\/EM> In our absence, here are some excerpts from a memo by one of our fave columnists, + Abu Grhaib prison.<\/I> Henceforth, this will be known as the “Khalil Gibran\/Dale Future updates are pending, we hope. This morning even strait-laced William Powers Like Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road, we’re off to see the wizards of “What We Stand For,” a two-day conference featuring Paul Krugman, Gary Hart, Jim Fallows, Sandy Berger, Eliot Spitzer, Barbara Ehrenreich, Kevin Phillips, Robert Reich, Joe Trippi and many more from the Land of Is. In our absence, here are some excerpts […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-710","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-main","7":"entry"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbvgEs-bs","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/710","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=710"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/710\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=710"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=710"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=710"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nKrugman, Gary Hart, Jim Fallows, Sandy Berger, Eliot Spitzer, Barbara Ehrenreich, Kevin
\nPhillips, Robert Reich, Joe Trippi and many more from the Land of Is. <\/P>
\n
\nFeirstein<\/FONT><\/EM><\/B><\/A>, channeling Karl Rove’s updates of new “White
\nHouse-approved media buzzwords”:<\/P>
\n
\nEarnhardt Jr. vocational-training facility and recreational center.” As John Kerry himself asked:
\n“Who among us does not like NASCAR?”
+ “Liberators.”<\/I> This remains the
\npreferred terminology to describe our presence in Iraq, as opposed to “bungling clueless
\nsuperpower.”
+ “American war criminals.”<\/I> Please substitute “Overzealous
\npatriots.”
+ “Independent contractors”<\/I> remains our preferred appellation.
\n“Mercenaries,” “hired guns,” “Halliburton employees” or “crazed good ol’ boys operating outside
\nany known moral or legal authority” are not acceptable synonyms.
+ “Prisoners of
\nwar.”<\/I> Better to say “Guests of interest.”
+ “War Crimes,” “Atrocities,”
\n“Human-rights violations,” “Torture,” “Softening up prisoners for interrogation.”<\/I> The
\npreferred description is “intelligence-gathering activities.” But if pressed, use “Having a frank and
\nhonest chat with our ‘guests of interest.'”
+ “A world of hurt.”<\/I> Avoid. Please
\nsubstitute “An unfortunate and unforseeable blip on the road to success.”
+ “Chain of
\ncommand.”<\/I> Obsolete.
+ “Swatting flies.”<\/I> Inoperative.
+ “Imminent
\nthreat.”<\/I> Banished.
+ “Boots on the ground.”<\/I> Expunged. (Alas, it seems that
\ncertain “independent contractors” mistook this to mean “boots on the prisoner’s head.”)
+
\nPresidential daily briefing.<\/I> The P.D.B. will henceforth be known as “USA Today.” If you
\nget a chance, stop by to say hello to ace journalist Jack Kelley, who’s been brought in to edit
\nit.
+ “Unknown unknowns.”<\/I> Now that we know what said “unknown unknowns” are
\n(i.e., white trash gone wild in Abu Ghraib prison), this phrase will be dropped from our
\nlexicon.
+ “It’s possible.”<\/I> As per use by Donald Rumsfeld: “Not a chance.”<\/P>
\n
\noffers a faux news summary<\/FONT><\/EM><\/B><\/A>,
\nRummy-style. And finally, for anyone who needs reminding: “The Wrong
\nDirection”<\/FONT><\/EM><\/B><\/A> gets it right.<\/P><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"