{"id":5603,"date":"2013-03-22T10:09:03","date_gmt":"2013-03-22T14:09:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/?p=5603"},"modified":"2014-10-03T11:36:12","modified_gmt":"2014-10-03T15:36:12","slug":"peter-bayliss-and-the-breatharians","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/2013\/03\/peter-bayliss-and-the-breatharians.html","title":{"rendered":"<center>&#8216;Peter Bayliss and the Breatharians&#8217;<\/center>"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The <a href=\"http:\/\/www.telegraph.co.uk\/news\/obituaries\/1403312\/Peter-Bayliss.html\">obituary<\/a> in The Telegraph, in 2002, said: &#8220;He wanted no memorial, but his near-lunatic appetite for life will be impossible to forget.&#8221; The poet <a href=\"http:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/2012\/12\/who-is-heathcote-williams.html\">Heathcote Williams<\/a> certainly remembers Peter Bayliss. He remembers, too, &#8220;the Bayliss Mischief&#8221; that &#8220;might still be working \/ From beyond the grave.&#8221; Here given their due are the vaunted philanthropic celebrities of our time (Karl Marx aside), memorialized for their various hypocrisies: Bill Gates, Princess Diana, Prince Charles, Mother Theresa, Lady Gaga, Bob Geldof, not to mention the millionaire pols, and of course Bono, who &#8220;had the nerve \/ To sing Blake\u2019s Jerusalem \/ At Glastonbury \/ While his bodyguards \/ Beat up the protestors who\u2019d \/ Come to show him up.&#8221; Listen, watch, and read.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Postscript:<\/strong> Oct. 3, 2014 &#8212; <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/St_Paul's,_Covent_Garden\">St Paul&#8217;s, Covent Garden<\/a>, commonly known as the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.actorschurch.org\/\">&#8220;actors&#8217; Church,&#8221;<\/a> now has a bench erected in memory of Peter Bayliss, thanks to Alan Cox and other admirers of Bayliss&#8217;s. (Here are <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/St_Paul's,_Covent_Garden#mediaviewer\/File:St._Paul%27s_Church,_Covent_Garden.jpg\">some of the benches<\/a> that line the garden path.) <\/p>\n<p><center><font size=1>Narration and montage by Alan Cox.<\/font><\/center><center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/uixPAFE_jB0\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/center><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong><font size=3>By Heathcote Williams<\/font><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The Breatharians<br \/>\nExtract salts from the air and<br \/>\nClaim to eat nothing.<\/p>\n<p>They are campaigning<br \/>\nTo cure world hunger by such<br \/>\nExtreme strategies.<\/p>\n<p>One, in St James\u2019s<br \/>\nChurch in Piccadilly, gave a talk.<br \/>\nShe seemed translucent.<\/p>\n<p>You could almost see<br \/>\nThe altar through her body<br \/>\nWhile she lectured you.<\/p>\n<p>She was impassioned:<br \/>\n\u201cIf no one eats, no one need starve!<br \/>\nJust live off smells, then<\/p>\n<p>Famine won\u2019t matter!\u201d<br \/>\nShe urged, \u201cA food-free lifestyle!\u201d<br \/>\nSome were taken in.<\/p>\n<p>But Peter Bayliss<br \/>\nCaught her squirrelling Hob Nobs,<br \/>\nSaw her nibble them.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDunking them in tea!<br \/>\nIn the vestry! What\u2019s left for<br \/>\nUs to believe in?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Peter famously<br \/>\nFollowed each spiritual<br \/>\nCraze. He was gutted:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe promised to make<br \/>\nHunger history; followed<br \/>\nBy poverty, then<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCelebrity \u2013 she<br \/>\nWas going to make that history<br \/>\nToo. I\u2019d singled her out<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAs the new Messiah!<br \/>\nOnly this time a woman!<br \/>\nOh my giddy aunt.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c&#8230;Now we\u2019ve flushed her out,<br \/>\nD\u2019you fancy tea at Fortnums<br \/>\nTo fill the aching void?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDelicious muffins \u2013<br \/>\nEssential in one\u2019s quest<br \/>\nFor the secret of life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He led the way there.<br \/>\nWe found an empty table<br \/>\nAnd sat down for tea.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s the Queen\u2019s grocer.<br \/>\nI come here to imagine<br \/>\nParadise on earth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We discussed events.<br \/>\n\u201cHave I told you, dear fellow,<br \/>\nEveryone in fact<\/p>\n<p>Is crucially flawed?<br \/>\nA huge character failing.<br \/>\nA horrid blemish.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA San Andreas<br \/>\nFault-line of the soul&#8230;<br \/>\nWell, go on, go on.<\/p>\n<p>Ask me what it is!<br \/>\n\u201cEr.. oh&#8230;What is it, Peter?\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cThat\u2019s better, dear heart,\u201d<\/p>\n<p>(stage whisper)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ll keep my voice down&#8230;<br \/>\nThey think their hypocrisy<br \/>\nIs sexy! That\u2019s it.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCan you possibly<br \/>\nCredit man\u2019s perversity!<br \/>\nSo I see my role<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFrom this moment on \u2013<br \/>\nDue to Breatharianism \u2013<br \/>\nTo disavouch them.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTo tell them they\u2019re wrong.<br \/>\n(he licks his lips)<br \/>\nWhat a sweet epiphany \u2013<br \/>\nAll thanks to Hob Nobs!<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Ex parvis saepe<br \/>\nMagnarum momenta<br \/>\nRerum pendent.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Things of consequence<br \/>\nWill often spring out at you<br \/>\nFrom trifling matters.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd in this case, mark this,<br \/>\nIt\u2019s been just a few crumbs<br \/>\nFrom an oaty biscuit<\/p>\n<p>In a forlorn room,<br \/>\nWith piles of dusty hassocks,<br \/>\nThat drew back the veil!<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat opened the doors<br \/>\nOf perception of heaven<br \/>\nAnd hell \u2013 charging us<\/p>\n<p>With exposing false<br \/>\nProphets. Now take off your shoes!<br \/>\nLet\u2019s attune our feet<\/p>\n<p>To enlightenment!<br \/>\nLet\u2019s plant them all on the road<br \/>\nTowards Damascus!<\/p>\n<p>A revelation<br \/>\nIs at hand! Can you feel it?<br \/>\nThe Hob Nob\u2019s a sign<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve been singled out<br \/>\nTo receive certain signals&#8230; (looking up)<br \/>\nYes, cucumber please.<\/p>\n<p>Aaaah deliverance!<br \/>\nI always feel lightheaded<br \/>\nWhen I say goodbye<\/p>\n<p>To one charlatan<br \/>\nBefore seeking out the next.<br \/>\nFortune cookies please!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe don\u2019t have them sir.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cWhat? we need their instructions<br \/>\nTo know what to do!<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe\u2019ve come specially<br \/>\nTo this classy oasis<br \/>\nTo find great insights!<\/p>\n<p>Learn how the other<br \/>\nHalf lives, as well as sampling<br \/>\nHer Majesty\u2019s grub!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFortune cookies please!\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cI\u2019ve said we don\u2019t have them sir.\u201d<br \/>\n(Peter, darkly)<br \/>\n\u201dThat\u2019s your misfortune!\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>(stage whisper \u2013 turning back)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe\u2019re being watched.<br \/>\nCan you see the manager?<br \/>\nSee him signaling?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh dear, drink your tea!<br \/>\nThe men in white are en route.<br \/>\nLast time I was here<\/p>\n<p>I levitated \u2013<br \/>\nWell, more like yogic flying,<br \/>\nThen I smashed some cups.<\/p>\n<p>And tried some streaking&#8230;<br \/>\n(whispering)<br \/>\nWe may have to find somewhere<br \/>\nA bit more&#8230; spiritual.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut, hush, steady on,<br \/>\nNot before I\u2019ve had my say<br \/>\nOn the state of things:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSaints who let you down!<br \/>\nTake Geldof \u2013 why not \u2013<br \/>\nAs a case in point:<br \/>\n\u201c\u2018Let\u2019s stage a concert<br \/>\nFor Africa (but with no<br \/>\nAfrican players),<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA hundred thousand<br \/>\nIs Bob\u2019s lecture fee to talk<br \/>\nOn world poverty \u2013<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLives in three flash pads:<br \/>\nOne\u2019s hidden behind huge walls,<br \/>\nCutting off a wood,<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWith his properties<br \/>\nAll registered abroad in<br \/>\nThe Virgin Islands.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018Fee-eed the wor-orld\u2019<br \/>\nAnd feed bank balances too-oo.<br \/>\nHypocrisy rules.<\/p>\n<p>What do you think he\u2019s worth?<br \/>\nWell, it\u2019s now thirty million \u2013<br \/>\nSir Bob\u2019s wonga pile.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cPrincess Diana?<br \/>\nLeft millions to millionaires \u2013<br \/>\nQuite forgot the poor.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBono of U2,<br \/>\nCampaigner for debt relief \u2013<br \/>\nHow\u2019s his sainthood look?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHollow as a Polo<br \/>\nWith his mint in tax havens<br \/>\nNot in Ireland,<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd his shares in \u2018Forbes\u2019?<br \/>\nThe house mag for billionaires?<br \/>\nYes, U2 Bono.<\/p>\n<p>Is anything worse<br \/>\nThan people peddling street cred.<br \/>\nTo line their pockets?<\/p>\n<p>Comfortably dumb.<br \/>\nCapitalists aren\u2019t unique \u2013<br \/>\nKarl Marx would gamble<\/p>\n<p>On the Stock Exchange;<br \/>\nSent his girls to Finishing School.<br \/>\nFinished them off.<\/p>\n<p>They both killed themselves:<br \/>\nBoth Eleanor and Laura \u2013<br \/>\nBoth were suicides.<\/p>\n<p>Karl Marx, did you know<br \/>\n The man lived off heiresses?<br \/>\nAnd Friedrich Engels?<\/p>\n<p>He liked fox-hunting,<br \/>\nAnd owned a factory with<br \/>\nA child labour force.<\/p>\n<p>When Marx was dying,<br \/>\nHis housekeeper asked him what<br \/>\nHe might have to say<\/p>\n<p>For posterity.<br \/>\nVery angrily, Karl Marx threw<br \/>\nA slipper at her<\/p>\n<p>And then Marx shouted,<br \/>\n&#8220;Go away, get out! Last words<br \/>\nAre for fools who\u2019ve not<\/p>\n<p>Said enough!&#8221; so<br \/>\nThis was Marx\u2019s last action:<br \/>\nBut how prophetic <\/p>\n<p>That \u2018fuck off plus violence\u2019 was<br \/>\nMarx\u2019s last message.<br \/>\nNasty bit of work.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMother Teresa? \u2013<br \/>\nCultivated unsavory,<br \/>\nMurderous dictators<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd sold skeletons<br \/>\nOf Calcutta\u2019s poor in bulk<br \/>\nFor fertilizer.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSome people who help<br \/>\nPeople, prefer it if they\u2019re<br \/>\nKept helpless and poor,<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhilst their own sainthood<br \/>\nGives them opportunities<br \/>\nFor helping themselves.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHRH Prince Charles<br \/>\nSpends a thousand an hour<br \/>\nOn his private jet<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEmitting 6 tons of CO2<br \/>\nTo lecture Copenhagen<br \/>\nAbout climate change.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMichael Moore\u2019s new film<br \/>\n\u2018Capitalism,\u2019 backed by<br \/>\nGoldman Sachs, made with<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNon-union labour,<br \/>\n Has the fitting subtitle<br \/>\nOf \u2018A Love Story.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Now Lady Gaga<br \/>\nComes up with wristbands<br \/>\nTo sell for Japan.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Nuclear earthquakes?!<br \/>\nSure all my fans will help out\u2019<br \/>\nAnd the cash goes where?<\/p>\n<p>Not Fukushima.<br \/>\nSo Gaga\u2019s sued for millions.<br \/>\nCelebrity fraud.<\/p>\n<p>Dishonest hoarders<br \/>\nWho pretend to be generous<br \/>\nAs a wretched tax dodge.<\/p>\n<p>What an endless stream<br \/>\nCrawling out of the woodwork!<br \/>\nNo one cottons on.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMillionaire Cameron<br \/>\nAnd millionaire Osborne say<br \/>\n\u2018We suffer with you:<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018We can feel your pain.\u2019<br \/>\n\u2018We\u2019re all in this together.\u2019<br \/>\nRich busybodies,<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhose inherited<br \/>\nWealth cheats the poor of the perks<br \/>\nThey\u2019re heir to as well.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe Sunday Times Rich List<br \/>\nIs the Hypocrite Spotters\u2019 Bible:<br \/>\nWatch the billionaires,<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDisplaying their wealth<br \/>\nBut also boasting how much<br \/>\nThey\u2019re giving away.<\/p>\n<p>(he chuckles)<\/p>\n<p>Bill Gates gives billions<br \/>\nTo charity but sadly<br \/>\nThe charity\u2019s his.<\/p>\n<p>He gives it all to<br \/>\nHis own tax-exempt outfit \u2013<br \/>\nThe Bill Gates Foundation.<\/p>\n<p>Watch the rich blindside us<br \/>\nWith all their cocktail-party,<br \/>\nPhilanthropic toss.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo tell me why, pray,<br \/>\nThey\u2019re in this list every year?<br \/>\nGrowing richer still!?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey keep their money!<br \/>\nTheir donations are painless.<br \/>\nIt is all hot air.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018Eat the rich\u2019? They\u2019d be<br \/>\nA complete disappointment<br \/>\nAnd cause flatulence&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes, we\u2019re leaving now.<br \/>\nDo you sell Hob Nobs by the way?<br \/>\nNo? too down market.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut you\u2019ll waive the bill?<br \/>\nHow good to know there\u2019s no charge<br \/>\nFor the secret of life&#8230;\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then we were thrown out,<br \/>\nWith Peter Bayliss barking<br \/>\nAt security<\/p>\n<p>Then at passers-by,<br \/>\n\u201cBuy stale fog in crested jars!<br \/>\n\u201cFree to the starving!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Tiring of the pong<br \/>\nOf plutocrat tax-dodgers,<br \/>\nSuch as the owners,<\/p>\n<p>Of course, of Fortnum<br \/>\nAnd Mason itself, we left<br \/>\nPiccadilly, W 1.<\/p>\n<p>The royal grocer<br \/>\nWould later be occupied<br \/>\nBy UK-UnCut.<\/p>\n<p>As if the Bayliss<br \/>\nMischief might still be working<br \/>\nFrom beyond the grave \u2013<\/p>\n<p>With the building trashed,<br \/>\nIts staircase and floors all strewn<br \/>\nWith broken biscuits.<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>Bono had the nerve<br \/>\nTo sing Blake\u2019s Jerusalem<br \/>\nAt Glastonbury<\/p>\n<p>While his bodyguards<br \/>\nBeat up the protestors who\u2019d<br \/>\nCome to show him up.<\/p>\n<p>The Breatharians\u2019<br \/>\nBad breath can get everywhere<br \/>\nStifling the truth<\/p>\n<p>But hypocrisy<br \/>\nDoesn\u2019t stay sexy for long<br \/>\nIt can\u2019t escape disgust<\/p>\n<p>However much<br \/>\nSome celebrity\u2019s fragrance<br \/>\nTries to disguise it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The obituary in The Telegraph, in 2002, said: &#8220;He wanted no memorial, but his near-lunatic appetite for life will be impossible to forget.&#8221; The poet Heathcote Williams certainly remembers Peter Bayliss. He remembers, too, &#8220;the Bayliss Mischief&#8221; that &#8220;might still be working \/ From beyond the grave.&#8221; Here given their due are the vaunted philanthropic [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[18,20,17],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-5603","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-literature","7":"category-media","8":"category-political-culture","9":"entry","10":"has-post-thumbnail"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbvgEs-1sn","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5603","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5603"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5603\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13884,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5603\/revisions\/13884"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5603"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5603"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5603"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}