{"id":11668,"date":"2014-02-12T12:44:47","date_gmt":"2014-02-12T17:44:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/?p=11668"},"modified":"2022-07-03T22:16:14","modified_gmt":"2022-07-04T02:16:14","slug":"cody-maher-nightmare-entering-the-country","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/2014\/02\/cody-maher-nightmare-entering-the-country.html","title":{"rendered":"William ‘Cody’ Maher: ‘Nightmare Entering the Country’"},"content":{"rendered":"

Border security<\/a> is so much in the news these days that my staff of thousands was desperate for comic relief. Then this scenario came over the transom from Cody Maher. Bingo!<\/p>\n

A vaudevillian routine with foreign-born American security agents<\/strong><\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Passport … yes I see, you away a long time, where you go?<\/strong>
\nwhere I go?
\nyes, where you go?<\/strong>
\nyou mean where have I been
\nyeah, where you been?<\/strong>
\nI been away
\naway what?<\/strong>
\nno, away where
\naway what away where what’s the difference, you back, what you doing back?<\/strong>
\nI was born here
\nyou want a medal, Joey, we got any medals back there for this guy?<\/strong>
\nwe got handcuffs
\nyou wanna a handcuff, I give you a cuff in the hand<\/strong>
\nlook, I been away a long time,
\nyou can say that again, this don’t look like you<\/strong>
\nI don’t look like me
\nyou a funny boy, hey Joey we got a funny boy here, you know what we do with funny boys don’t you?<\/strong>
\nwhat do you do with them?
\nwe have a good laugh and you know how we get the good laugh?<\/strong>
\nhow?
\nwe tickle the shit out of them, then we screw their mother<\/strong>
\nlook, this is nothing more than a nightmare all right? you are nothing more than a nightmarish cartoon, and it’s a bad Italian accent
\nmy father was Russian, he would spit in your face, he fought the faciste<\/strong>
\nlook, my mother is dead, I came back to pay my respects
\nwhat you doing then with the champagne, that how you do respect?<\/strong>
\nI promised her
\nyou going to drink it yourself at the grave or what?<\/strong>
\nshe said to bring a bottle of french champagne back with me if i went through france
\nlook, you mind or no mind, time to take the clothes off<\/strong>
\nmy clothes off?
\nsomething don’t look right with the face, we compare the face to the…what do we compare it to Joey?<\/strong>
\nthe ass
\nyes, we a compare the face to the ass and then when it works out<\/strong>
\nwhen what works out?
\nwhen they go together then you get the stamp on the forehead<\/strong>
\nlook, nobody is gonna believe this, it’s just a nightmarish —
\nyou call it what you want funny boy, first we take a few questions<\/strong>
\nwhat kind of questions?
\nyou could say a kind of intelligence test, now, you have been away looks like here more than half the adult life, what that say about the character trait, you look in the mirror lately Mister Lane?<\/strong>
\nnot lately
\ngood that the mother don’t see it<\/strong>
\ndon’t see what?
\nthe guilt written all over. Mister Lane, what do you take for religion?<\/strong>
\nwhat do you mean take?
\nwhat you have for one?<\/strong>
\nI was Catholic
\nso, you turn your back on your religion like you turn on your country now you come back to lay on government paycheck<\/strong>
\nlook, you have to excuse me for saying this, but your English is bad, this is a nightmare, I think it’s time to wake up
\nlook mister, you come to this country, you pay no tax, you cheat the country from its pockets and then you expect red carpet, we give you a red carpet right Joey, for your money, what money you got?<\/strong>
\nI don’t have any money
\nwhat you want to do here, live off remains the dead mother, you got address where you stay?<\/strong>
\nyes, here it is
\nwe run a check on it, Joey, you want to look this up?<\/strong>
\nnow, while we waiting, before the pants come down, just outta the record… thanks Joey… so, it looks bad Mister Lane, your address no longer exists, this friend has been arrested, caught red handed so to say<\/strong>
\nlook, as soon as this nightmare is over you won’t exist
\nyes my friend, but how do they put the words in it… “many nightmare outlive those that have them…<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Border security and immigration are so much in the news these days that my staff of thousands was desperate for comic relief. Then this scenario came over the transom from Cody Maher. Bingo!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[18,17],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-11668","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-literature","7":"category-political-culture","8":"entry"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbvgEs-32c","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11668","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11668"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11668\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":51908,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11668\/revisions\/51908"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artsjournal.com\/herman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}