Mommy is just like the Ugly Duckling. But hotter and with a thong.

My Beautiful Mommy, the children's book that fills a need -- the need for women with breast implants to explain to their kids how and why they were suddenly transformed.

I foresee a second volume in which the little girl, inspired by her heroic mother, spends three days locked in the bathroom weepingly obsessing over her own nose -- then, in a uplifting twist, saves up her bake sale money to buy rhinoplasty. "And while you've got me on the table, Dr. Michael, how about fitting me for a nice pair of breasts -- I can't wait for puberty to do all the work." (For the movie I see Dakota Fanning in the lead and Danny DeVito as the left implant. Just throwing that out there.) ...

Then again, I probably shouldn't be too critical. This book does give a real boost to my efforts to publish my manuscript My Drunk Bitter Daddy, which -- in a frank and entertaining way -- answers a young son's questions about why his Daddy comes home drunk and bitter. "You see, as I got older, my wife got huge fake boobs and left me for a pool boy named Raoul..."

May 9, 2008 12:00 PM | | Comments (1)



My son is 6, will he be too old for My Drunk Bitter Daddy by the time it's published? And will it really speak to him as he has two Jewish mothers and no daddy? Gosh I hope so! Or maybe I could write the children's book-- Two Jewish Moms-- Much Kvelling & No Football.

Maybe the moral is-- there's a beautiful children's book in all of us!


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