Norman Lebrecht on shifting sound worlds
Weapon of mass destruction?
No! It’s a Weapon of Music Production.
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen:
Kim Jong-un has threatened to blow California to smithereens.
If now, after having so said, Kim Jong-un is able to go outside his house for a walk, he should consider it a glorious victory.
If he is able to go to a hot dog stand and actually order and eat a hot dog, he should declare it a salvation.
If he is able to sit at his desk and drink a Coke, he should rejoice with great gladness.
Which prompted me to write the following Ode to Breathing.
Yes, breathing. Kim Jong-un should build a statue to commemorate the fact that he is able, even now, to peacefully draw a breath.
Do You Hear The Cannon Ring?
To be sung to the tune of “Do You Hear The People Sing?” from the musical “Les Miserables.”
By Caleb Boone
Do you hear the cannon ring?
Singing a song of little men?
It is the braying of Koreans
Who will surely be slaves again!
When the beating of Kim’s heart
Echoes the beating of the drums,
We will bake him into a tart
When tomorrow comes!
Will you join in our blockade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
We’ll puree Kim into lemonade
And pour him into the China sea.
Then join in the fight
To dice Kim in a soup of split-pea!
Do you hear the bullets zing?
Parting the hair of little men?
It is the target-practice of Marines
Who are at Kim’s door again!
When the beating of Kim’s heart
Echoes his chewing of the Tums,
There’s a bonzai about to start
Will you give all you can give,
So that Old Glory may advance?
Kim’s bones will run through a sieve,
Whilst Hillary does an interpretive dance!
The silly hats of his generals,
Will be seen in the Louvre in France!
Can you hear Kim running away,
With his platoon of little men?
They are the first petite Koreans
We will roast like Cornish hen!
When the bleating of his goat,
Is heard in the gardens of Pyongyang,
500 battleships will float
As we send our gang!
Have a Dovely.
Calm down!!! They don’t have missiles that could reach California. And, from what I have been told, they don’t have hot dog stands either. I see you are quite the poet though, just like the Beloved Leader!
Just out of curiosity, what makes you think they would be any more effective in getting him than they were in getting Osama?
Oh they will get him exactly like Osama. 10 billions US $ of war profits later. Just not yet.
Where are those exploding keaboards when you need them?
Actually I think they’ve cleverly converted it into a remote controlled missile launcher. Look at that big red button and the radar unit installed on top…
Great advert for Sennheiser!
I gather that the red button to his right will launch the Doomsday Bomb?
Is that a keyboard or some sort of mixer/ recording console?
Probably some kind of radar analysis system based on wireless mic technology.
This could be the subject of a “best caption” competition.
“Already the greatest the world has ever known, at the keyboard”.
I don’t like the look of that red button.
Don’t forget that The Onion’s jokey piece last year about Kim Jong-un being the “sexiest man alive” was taken seriously and widely syndicated in China and N Korea.
So weigh your words – bon mots from Slipped Disc might be translated and read by millions
Ah! He’s playing a Sennheiser. What every good concert hall should have!
Knowing those prats there’s probably a midget inside the piano who has had orders to push the right buttons in case his boss pushes the wrong key.
He’s quite the guitarist, too…http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2013/03/26/1226595/516593-north-korea.jpg
Great, Norman! Is this your entry for the Facebook caption contest?
“Supreme Leader: middle C is Crawford, and takes their former leader. B takes out Barksdale, where they park the B-52′s…”
Hey, if Mussolini could play the violin (which he did!), why can’t this little dictator play the piano? I look forward to his debut in China, where he will play his own version of chopsticks in A-flat.
It’s a fake. The Sennheiser logo is quite obviously photoshopped… In a bad way, considering that Sennheiser doesn’t even make pianos. A Yamaha logo would have been more fitting.
I am sure Sennheiser make systems for many applications in conferences, broadcast. This obviously is not a piano and Sennheiser does not make pianos – that is true. It does not look especially “photoshopped” to me
Interestingly Sennheiser owns Neumann and they produced the microphone for Adolf Hitler as linked below:
Now someone finds out Hitler wore Armani ties also and we all are in deep trouble… Now that I think about it: didn’t Hitler also breathe air? By the law of logic, what are we going to do?
It looks photoshopped, because the Rectangle of the logo does not align in parallel with the vertical sides. Sennheiser is not the type of company that puts their logo on sloppy…
It’s not a piano – it’s a computer.
I guess that it’s a PA system with radiomics with computer control probably done as a custom jobbie. Maybe with Sennheiser radiomics if the Sennheiser logo is on it – custom built by Sennheiser Asia.
Or it’s a photoshop joke.
The absurdity of it all would be laughable save for the delusional reality. This is, after all, the grandson.
Surrealism is interesting in art but abominable in a political leader, at any time, anywhere.
I didnt realise Sennheiser builds missile launch stations :–)))
Author, novelist, broadcaster, cultural commentator.
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