PAUL FORD:

THE MOST RADICAL WRITER IN AMERICA

If I were lucky enough to be teaching a Freshman expos-lit course, I'd bring this in (from 5/02/06):

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq, released a video in which he showed his face and claimed that the Bush Administration had lied about its military victories. "America," said Zarqawi, "will go out of Iraq, humiliated, defeated." The United States announced that it would free 141 of the 490 "enemy combatants" at the Guantanamo Bay prison in Cuba because they do not threaten U.S. security after all. In Dahab, Egypt, three bombings killed 30 people, and in Baquba, Iraq, about the same number of people died in fighting. President George W. Bush pointed out that not drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge was depriving the United States of one million barrels of oil per day, and it was reported that Iraq's oil production had dropped by one million barrels per day since the U.S. invasion. In New York City tens of thousands of people marched against the war in Iraq, and in Washington, D.C., five members of Congress, all Democrats, were arrested outside the Sudanese embassy for protesting the genocide in Darfur. It was revealed that in 2005 the FBI had, without court approval, obtained from bank and credit card companies and telephone and Internet companies information on 3,501 U.S. citizens and legal residents. Iran, under criticism for its nuclear program, accused the United States of using "illegitimate and open threats to use force against the Islamic Republic of Iran." Scientists in Florida were working to improve a "brain port" device that will allow soldiers to perceive things through their tongues. New construction began at Ground Zero.

A Quebec family was offering a reward for their mother's head, which had been hacked from her corpse a year ago. "Each morning," said one family member, "when we get up, we ask ourselves: 'Where is the head? Will it show up on our lawn one morning?'" Chinese bra producers were offering larger sizes to meet increased demand, China announced that it would ban heavy snorers from its army, and a Chinese man used eBay to buy an old MiG fighter jet to decorate his office. It was reported that lobbyists had once provided former (now imprisoned) Representative Randy "Duke" Cunningham with free limousine service, free access to hotel suites, and the services of prostitutes; it was also reported that the limousine service that was used to ferry the prostitutes had received a contract worth $21 million from the Department of Homeland Security. The Louisiana state senate approved a bill that bans abortion except when the procedure can save a woman's life; an amendment to allow exceptions in the cases of women who have been raped or are victims of incest was defeated. It was reported that the Vatican might permit people with AIDS to use condoms, if they are married, although abstinence would still be preferred. A Vatican official also called on Catholics to boycott the "Da Vinci Code" movie. In Singapore an 18-year-old man, ashamed of his small penis, committed suicide by jumping from a building, and President Bush named Tony Snow, a Fox News host, as the new White House press secretary. The U.S. military, short of buglers who can play taps at military funerals, was waiting for an order of 700 automated $500 digital bugles. After 15,000 tries a California scientist was able to teach starlings some grammar.

A farmer in Brazil pleaded guilty to killing a 73-year-old nun; the farmer had been paid by two ranchers to shoot the nun after she attempted to stop the ranchers from clearing a section of rainforest. The Mexican senate passed a bill legalizing the possession of small amounts of marijuana, opium, cocaine, and heroin; President Vicente Fox was expected to approve the bill. In Loreto, Mexico, a 17-year-old boy was killed at a horse race when he attempted to stop a horse from reaching the finish line by jumping in front of it, and in Denver, Colorado, a 17-year-old boy on his first bucking bronco ride was killed when the horse rolled on top of him. "It was," said his mother, "his first and last ride." A couple in Milford Township, Pennsylvania, were suing a veterinarian for faking the death of their dog and then giving the dog to someone else. A wheelchair-bound woman in Florida, who refused to put down a knife and a hammer, died after being tasered by policemen, and a Liverpool, England, man was sentenced to 100 hours of community service for getting drunk and singing "YMCA" on a flight from Florida to Manchester while his wife wept and comforted their three children. "He makes no excuses," said the man's lawyer, "for his loutish, idiotic behavior." Jane Jacobs and John Kenneth Galbraith died. Twenty percent of U.S. teenagers admitted to huffing household products in order to get high, and Keith Richards fell out of a coconut tree.

-- Paul Ford
May 9, 2006 10:19 AM |

Categories:

Me Elsewhere

millennium pop 
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Bernstein's YPC DVDs
BBC MEETS THE BEATLES
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WBUR Arts Pages:
MOVIE NATION (1/15/05)
BOB DYLAN'S CHRONICLES (11/15/04)

NPR's Here & Now 

True Love Ways (2/14/05) [RA]
2004 As Meathook (1/04/05) [RA]

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This page contains a single entry by blog riley published on May 9, 2006 10:19 AM.

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