The Art of Cinema Considered as "a Taquito Buffet That You Puke Up After Getting Hit With a Motorcycle"

It takes a talented writer to convey the thought processes of a bad writer. And so, now, some excerpts from the finest piece of prose I have encountered in a while -- Neil Compstun's review of Grindhouse, the pastische of exploitation films directed by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez.

It isn't even a movie - it's TWO movies with some trailers and stuff at the beginning, and also between the movies. The directors - more about them in a second (there's TWO!) - wanted to recreate the way movies were back in the 1920's, when you could sell a script that was one page that just said, "TITS THEN A MONSTER THEN MORE TITS THEN AN EXPLOSION THEN BONUS TITS" and everyone knew what you were talking about.

Also, there's zombies getting killed by a helicopter, which is not only cool to look at, but shows how the movie-makers did some research, to make things realistic.

To continue:

....they show a trailer for a movie I need to see RIGHT NOW with my eyes (I already saw it in my head when I was driving last week and Van Halen's "Panama" came on the radio and I'd just started eating a Payday). It's called MACHETE, and it's got that Mexican guy who's always in movies where there's people who really need knives stuck into them, and he's always, "Here, let's get those knives in you". Danny something.

Whatever his last name is, he should change it to, "Fuck-a-dilly" because everyone says that automatic when they see him, because he's going to bring the fuck-a-dilly to the movie, which will probably involve a foot, a face, and foot-face-fuckup. Also, Cheech from Cheech and The Chong is in the trailer, and he's a priest and he's shooting people, which is ironic, I think.

Then the first movie starts. It's called PLANET OF TERROR, and it's about a planet (which looks a lot like Earth) that's made of pure terror. Here's how shit-scream terrorizing it is: there's these mutated kill-monsters, but even BEFORE they show up there's all this fucking terror. Like a doctor who wants to kill his doctor wife, and the doctor wife is always sticking these three needles into people which fucks them up, and there's a sheriff who's played by that Reese guy from TERMINATOR robot. The sheriff looks like he's always going to kill someone by crushing a bunch of walnuts in his mouth and spitting the shells through their skull.

Half of criticism, as someone once said, is a knack for aptness of characterization.

(via Unfogged)

March 28, 2007 10:58 AM | | Comments (0)

Categories:

Leave a comment

Recent Work

Fidel Castro: My Life 
A review from Newsday
40 Years of "The Crisis of the Negro Intellectual" 
Marking the anniversary of Harold Cruse's great book
Style and Grace 
A review of a book by the late, great Grace Paley from ... sheesh, almost ten years ago.
Oh, Canada 
National identity -- going south?
The LaRouche Tabernacle Choir 
An interview with me about the LaRouche movement, on Pacifica radio in Los Angeles
Open Library 
An interview with Aaron Swartz, one of the developers....
Sailing From Ithaka 
The new report calling for a digital platform for scholarly publishing deserves a wide audience
more

Readings

Battle of the Titans 
Dinesh D'Souza and Alan Wolfe debating? Imagine a slime mold in conflict with a patch of mildew. It's just that inspiring.
To the Tehran Station 
Not about Edmund Wilson
more picks

Blogroll

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Quick Study published on March 28, 2007 10:58 AM.

Reconfiguring Borders was the previous entry in this blog.

Comic-al Parapraxis is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

AJ Ads


AJ Blogs

AJBlogCentral | rss

culture
About Last Night
Terry Teachout on the arts in New York City
Artful Manager
Andrew Taylor on the business of arts & culture
blog riley
rock culture approximately
critical difference
Laura Collins-Hughes on arts, culture and coverage
Dewey21C
Richard Kessler on arts education
diacritical
Douglas McLennan's blog
Dog Days
Dalouge Smith advocates for the Arts
Flyover
Art from the American Outback
Life's a Pitch
For immediate release: the arts are marketable
Mind the Gap
No genre is the new genre
Performance Monkey
David Jays on theatre and dance
Plain English
Paul Levy measures the Angles
Real Clear Arts
Judith H. Dobrzynski on Culture
Rockwell Matters
John Rockwell on the arts
Straight Up |
Jan Herman - arts, media & culture with 'tude

dance
Foot in Mouth
Apollinaire Scherr talks about dance
Seeing Things
Tobi Tobias on dance et al...

jazz
Jazz Beyond Jazz
Howard Mandel's freelance Urban Improvisation
ListenGood
Focus on New Orleans. Jazz and Other Sounds
Rifftides
Doug Ramsey on Jazz and other matters...

media
Out There
Jeff Weinstein's Cultural Mixology
Serious Popcorn
Martha Bayles on Film...

classical music
Creative Destruction
Fresh ideas on building arts communities
The Future of Classical Music?
Greg Sandow performs a book-in-progress
On the Record
Exploring Orchestras w/ Henry Fogel
Overflow
Harvey Sachs on music, and various digressions
PianoMorphosis
Bruce Brubaker on all things Piano
PostClassic
Kyle Gann on music after the fact
Sandow
Greg Sandow on the future of Classical Music
Slipped Disc
Norman Lebrecht on Shifting Sound Worlds

publishing
book/daddy
Jerome Weeks on Books
Quick Study
Scott McLemee on books, ideas & trash-culture ephemera

theatre
Drama Queen
Wendy Rosenfield: covering drama, onstage and off
lies like truth
Chloe Veltman on how culture will save the world

visual
Aesthetic Grounds
Public Art, Public Space
Another Bouncing Ball
Regina Hackett takes her Art To Go
Artopia
John Perreault's art diary
CultureGrrl
Lee Rosenbaum's Cultural Commentary
Modern Art Notes
Tyler Green's modern & contemporary art blog
Creative Commons License
This weblog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.