Hothousing

As a parent of a lovely eleven year old girl, this was an interesting post. There is always tension between what you want for YOU and what you want for them. Having her love opera is definitely for ME now, but who knows the benefits for her later. I try and resist creating stress but easily fall back into the old habits of pushing harder and harder. I haven't read the book but wonder how you continue to foster talent in children when they reach the point where they say...I don't want to do this anymore. We reach this all the time with chorus and the double bass -- but we say...well this is your responsibility now and you have to fulfill your commitment. Each time, so far, she's risen above it and gone on to new achievements. But who's to say how much pressure is the right amount? I know that I'll make mistakes as a parent -- I hope I make fewer of them than my Mother -- but all I know for sure is that they'll be DIFFERENT mistakes than my mother made...not necessarily FEWER mistakes.

Molly adds: Thanks for adding in your perspective, Karen. If it helps, my mom often worries to me now that she pushed too hard when I was growing up, and I don't remember it that way at all! If she added any pressure, it paled in comparison the what was going down in my own head. So maybe there's a good balance where some pressure is actually a kind of support--i.e. "fulfill your commitment" reminders. Parents that just pay attention and regularly talk with their kids about their goals probably find a safe and good line by feel, even if it's not the "perfect" one (wherever the parenting experts are saying that is this week).

My dad was *always* ready with a bottle of Gatorade at the end of my high-school cross-country races. It was great.